The Star Crossed Journey... Discovering Myself

Singapore Story....

2008-02-06T00:39:00.000-08:00

Singapore Diary

18-10-2007

Here I am in a Foreign Country for the First ever in my life. I landed sleepy eyed at the airport. Airport was too different than what you find in India …well how different can a airport be….Soon was facing the immigration official..routine questions answered, custom checks done, I was speeding away in a taxi. Nothin seems than what you have seen in India, It only seems better. The pockets of neatness, order and greenery which you see in India are spread over the place. And what beautiful roads….they would be such a pleasure to drive. No one even shifts lanes without using the indicator. Traffic just zooms about, yet very silent. It was so long but I was yet to hear anyone honk. It took a vehicle blocking the road to elicit a few honks. Buses were comfortable and orderly and zoomed with an abandon yet unseen by me.

So many Indian faces around, more so tamilians……the taxi driver was blaring tamil FM and tamil songs. Soon we were in the hotel. Nothing different here. Same as you find a 5 Star hotel anywhere in the hotel. The most boring place was the hotel room . It was luxurious, was great to have rest. But that was not why we were here.

So we went out. Amazing orderliness. Iam yet to see a cop around this place. Traffic is managed with such amazing efficiency. Signals are so cool , Especially pedestrian signals. Everyone follows the rules. The cars stop to let the pedestrians go at certain yellow signals. Skyscrapers were amazing. We sat at a café at roadside in a busy traffic junction at a prominent office point here. Yet silence reigned around. Cars just zoomed past silently. Winds keep blowing giving such a calm feeling. Had some tasty Chinese food. Had my starbucks debut. Realised that my office is just a few mins walk from the hotel. And there is food plaza sort of place near my office. It had all kinds of food- Japanese, Chinese, Thai Indian, Western …and so on at very affordable prices. We would be having a food festival over the time of our stay.

That’s for the day..Lets see how the tour shapes up . Office starts tomorrow… 

19-10-2007

The First day in Singapore office. Wherever you go in the world, office does not change ..rt?? ..  Anyways it did manage to make a difference, it was not as good as the Bangalore office. Iam yet to make sense of the coffee machine and the tea bags over there. Only thing I could get right in the pantry was the Coke. Rest all the attempts to make coffee and tea went haywire.

The lifts here send your ears buzzing when they go down. At that speed it is natural, when you have to go some 20 floors in less than a minute it is almost like a free fall.

Today tried some Chinese dishes at the Food place, iam yet to register its name. Food was not too great , not too bad either. Work was cool, well it always is when it starts. Then after some time it starts strangling. And you lose interest in maintaining the same enthusiasm and would want to finish it off as soon as you can. Anyways lets see how this turns out. People at office were quite cool.

Lets see how the weekend goes about.

20-10-2007

Hey here is the first weekend in a foreign country… the urge to party was tempered with an apprehension about the unknown……and the fact that I watched movies late into night did not help matters. So by the time I got up it was lunch time. So had lunch and spilled out into the city.

Decided to explore “Little India”….. And landed up at the nearest Metro Rail Transport station…. It was really cool….. very neat, organized and pretty affordable and fast. Reminded me of Delhi and its Metro…... pretty much the same in fact.

Landed in Little India. Well felt like I was back in India… seems like in all respects…even saw a cop for first time in Singapore ….he was givin a parking ticket to someone looking like of Indian origin…  …anyways it had everythin like India ….more like south India….temple all Indian restaurants.,…..visited Musthafa shoppin centre……it had everythin….except a place to sit…by the time we were done goin around it…we were exhausted with all the walking……so wrapped it up with some food and were on the way back……

As I go about this country, I have noticed a lot of things…people are very cordial….everyone is treated with respect irrespective of their profession…manners is adhered to…….

Everything out of line is fined…and fined heavily…….that may go a long way in ensuring things are in order…but lot of stuff is internal as well..people do have the internal motivation to adhere to rules…..its more a respect for the rule rather than the fear of fine on violation which seems to be driving the orderliness….

Anyways a day of weekend as gone by….lets see how tomorrow goes by……

21-10-2007

Second day of the weekend…..Its a Sunday and we realized that most shops are closed here on Sundays….So decided to goto Paulo Ubin….Heard a lot about it….its island off the Singapore coast…..and renowned for its natural beauty ….

So we hired a taxi and went to Changi village….From there took a ferry to Paulo ubin……it was quissentially an dtropical island…..and it remined me so much of kerala…..well nothing much difference here between the two places…..

We hired a couple of bicycles and went about exploring the place…….it was quite fun goin around cycling and also taking our snaps…..Had quite some fun….but it was not a new discovery …felt like we were back in india…….spent some time sitting at the beach…..but this was not much of it when compared to beaches back home .,....Anyways the tiring journey had its toll..soon we were in a mood to land back home….The taxi driver while goin back was the talkative sort….He kept harping on about good stuff in singapore…was quite the informative sort……..

Anyways the fun has ended …it is time to get back to work from tomorrow..lets see how the week goes by……………. 

22-10-2007

Another of those weekdays…but first Monday in the foreign land……was not a great start…rainy day..and we were late to start……perfect settin for those Monday mornin blues…decided to hire a taxi to office…but soon realized..tht in tht peak hours with traffic signals..it would have been quick and ofcourse cheaper to walk..so from tomorrow..strictly walking……to the office I mean…

Office was cool..we were will and truly into work……it was quite fun…..so on tht front it is quite cool till now.,…..we were the last guys to leave from the office……

Today atlast the coffee machine puzzle was solved……..had some gud coffe…( better than the last 2 days..even if not entirely good…..  …. )

This place has got very little dust content…..even the shine on smy shoe has not gone even after a couple of days after polishing…..Clean water and clean air are issues which seem to be given importance….low noise too… 

23-10-2007

Another of those routine weekdays..even being in a foreign country makes no difference…I think it makes it even more worse…no social life..no friends…..no bindas attitude….nothin…work…and come to the room…got to explore this place further..neighbourhoods are done…..soon have to go further……

Lots of work would be fine..opportunity to learn

Lets see how the rest of the week rolls up………

24-10-2007

Funny day..nothin much rolled up today..some work….then it petered out..then it was cool for most of the day…..had some fun with the mails ..and snaps….It was birthday time at office and they got some thai food today…..it was nice…not too good..may be not for a first timer…..enjoyed it………

I observed that here lifts travel very fast…even when there are not many floors to be traveled….also the elevator..its not the comfortable cruise as in India..but it is more of a thing in hurry to carry people to their destinations…even in the malls and not only in the metro rail stations where such a hurry is warranted…..may be it reflects ths style of the people….

25-10-2007

One more day in this land…and life goes on…office and stuff….its all the same……well lemme luk for little things that are different here……people here are nice in their own little ways..for a couple of days running…some one or other comes and keeps givin me new kinds of sweets….iam getting to test new kinds of culinary delights here…..thats nice…

26-10-2007

Another similar day at office…work , mails and stuff……life goes on..weekend has come..lets see if it brings about any difference….. …here I get to go on lots an dlot of escalators..and I broke the record for the longest escalator I ever got on to …so many times over and over again…..I miss driving a bike overe here….may be it’s the longest break I ever had from drivin a bike…for ..wht like 7 years…may be…..and by the end of this trip…may be longest break from drivin I guess…ever since I was a kid…..

I went to a Chinese restaurant today…….and ordered some thing called crispy noodles..what I got was some thing like American chopseuy drowned….in some egg yolk kind of a solution…….it was all in all..some kind of stuff..which I could not even comprehend,……but in any case..managed to eat it..as I cud not afford to be hungry…..had to do with fruit juice..when I returned to the hotel room….

27-10-2007

Today is the weekend …..one more weekend in the foreign land…..this time decided to explore Chinatown here……this was a nice little quaint place….full of shoppin for little items…at cheap prices….more like the sarojini nagar market of delhi…

There was also a Mariamman temple at this place….and we also visited a Buddhist temple….it was quite beautifully built and …was quite a peek into the Buddhist culture and mythology…the stories the tell of Buddha are quite different from what is told in india…..well they do have a much fancier version of the story..but it is expected..everyone does have their versions of same story…what is mythology for one is religion for someone else……..

Then we did some roaming around…and were back soon into the hotel…with some more time to kill…we hit the pool….it was quite a small pool..but we had a relaxing stint at the pool….

End of one day of the weekend..lets see how the next one goes about…….

28-10-2007

2nd Sunday in this foreign land…..today decided to explore the ever famous Sentosa islands ……We took a mrt….and then took a monorail to the islands……..

We headed straight to the beach….lots of people who were having a good time there….but I think we could not find these beaches quite attractive….i realized today that waves are quite the same here….these are very calms beaches…more of the backwater types…..and the heat was also quite oppressive so decided to explore other things….

This island had different kind of stuff…there was 4 d magix…which was a sci fi adventure rides of sorts…….then there was luge ride and skyride……which was a mix of go karting and bikin..more a thrilss fare..then there was images of Singapore which takes you through the history fo Singapore…there was fort silos..which gave a insight into the fort styles of early English people who settled here…….also merlian which was a fantasy of its kind….then there was the underwater world..which gave quite an insight into the water world….it was quite fun with the underwater beings all around you……there was also the butterfly park which had around 1500 varieties of butterflies…….and at the end of it we saw a dolphin show…it was quite remarkable…seeing these sea beings doing all sorts of tricks……jumping through the loop..playing with the ball…kind of stuff…..

We went quite ballistic with the photographs..as usual…..on the way back had quite some good seafood….it was nice experimenting…it was my friends turn to get stuck..with sticky watery kind of stuff….but anyways…..he waded through it…literally

But it was quite a fun day……its back to office from tomorrow..lets see how this week goes about…..

29-10-2007

Hey here is Monday again….but instead of the usual Monday morning blues…I had a good and spirited start to a day……I don’t know why……..but soon all the enthusiasm fizzled out…… because the access deadlock still continues……and it is not quite fun anymore…but are we ready for the other slog…..still don’t know..will manage it I feel when we come to it…..

Towards the end of the day….the team from office invited us to a outing for evening snacks…had some nice satay….and some good chinese dishes……..came back…had a nice bath……and a nice dinner to finish it off…one more day goes by…. 

30-10-2007

Another boring day goes by……..had breakfast for a change…..and then had pizzas for lunch…for a change..again…..and then had dinner by 730 …for a change again……discovered a shop..which had a sorta clearance sale….had good deals all over…gotto visit it sometime to buy somethings…..got a new goggles….it was quite nice…..nice deal…..anyways one more day rolls over……

31-10-2007

After another routine day at office…we decided to goto Little india once again…we hit the Mustafa centre once again…this time we also went to the other side of it……..such a large shopping centre…and so many milling crowds……..

We hit the shopping racks again…and we bought some things this time…Got some good deals…..and we were so exhausted at the end of the day…well after walking all over such a large shopping place..we were bound to….and then we had such a hard time waiting for a taxi…..such a long queue and no taxi was lining up………finally managed to get one….and soon we were back at homer..and soon sound asleep…

1-11-2007

Hey a new day..and a new month..suddenly realized the year is rolling to a close…..this year seems to have rolled by so soon…not many things have sttled down or changed…that’s what it seems surprising that such a long time has passed…thinking of the day…today was a holiday back home..every year I used to cry that I don’t get this holiday in Delhi…and I thought I would get this once iam back in Bangalore or Hyderabad…but no use….nothing this time also…

We met our new boss today..seems like a cool fellow…..

2-11-2007

Another routine day………..at the office…towards the end of the day our boss and some other colleaugues invited us for some drinks…….had to have some beer…and it was too good in any case…..

After that had dinner and went walking …and realized that this place is quite small…we reached Chinatown after just walkin a few paces…….went around the place and came back and watched some movies..before sleeping off……

3-11-2007

Another weekend…and we do not seem to be going to malaysia anyways……so this time we went to Clarke quay….atlast went to a plce which seemed different and distinctly Singaporean…….this was besides the River…and such a beautiful place to hang out.. and lot of nice restaurants and bars……so much of a chic crowd…..there was such a beautiful view across the river…..had a good time….and atlast had something distinctly new……..

Came back to Lao pao sat……..and tried out some seafood..one of my friends ….tried oyster rice,…with some not so good results………..anyways he ate it all……and lets see what happens with him.. :P.. 

4-11-2007

Seems like the last Sunday in Singapore……not much to do…..went to Orchard road …such a nice shoppin place…….lots and lots of malls…with lots of stuff to shop………that is if you have something to shop….if u r really ina mood with cash to boot…here we go…so much of it…

As for viewing pleasure.,..it was good..but not too great…since its all there in India now…..;nothn new..nothin to be astonished at…….anyways….had good fun going around..as sual had problems finding a taxi…..shoppin places…u cannot help…..

Anyways came back tired..and down and out..end of the day….last week in singapore..  lets see how it goes about….

5-11-2007

One more Monday…well today things seem to be moving..a training program…and it took all the day…some progress on the access front…….so stuff moves on…did some shopping at last on the sale thing….spent a quite an amount..lets see how it goes about….

6-11-2007

One more day at training…and it was quite cool…..today by end of the day..there was a twist in the tale…..it seems that we may have to stay longer in Singapore…or may be come back later..lets see ho it goes….

We went to the Fullerton hotel side…..it was besides the river and a lion spewing out water…it was quite a view and we had quite agood time with the photographs…..the scenario was beautiful and breathtaking….. 

7-11-2007

Looks sure that iam gonna return by this weekend…..and boss said he is gonna discuss about the next trip on Friday…lets see how that turns up……

So we landed up at Little india to complete the final round of shopping…..we went around picking up all the things needed…..and lot more unneeded…and anyways after all that….came back exhausted…lucky to find a taxi much sooner than the last time…..the previous outing had braced us well…and today was a much focused shopping operation…
2 more days to go..lets see how it turns out.. 

8-11-2007

Hey its diwali time….and here iam ina foreign country…..they celebrate it here also..but not the cracker show as we have it back there……

Anyways we cancelled the zoo trip..as we were not in the mood and anyways we were gonna come back again……so we will have this later…..Went to orchard road..as my friend needed to have some last round up done…..had some nice Japanese food…..

So onemore day left in this country…atleast for this trip……so lets see how it goes….. 

Last day was as uneventful as it goes...... we planned our return journey to airport as we do back in india..and ended up landin in airport a good 2 hrs ahead of schedule....had an uneventful flight journey.and landed back home well and good and having enjoyed a nice trip to a lovely country....

"If" ...by Rudyard Kipling

2007-10-09T04:25:00.000-07:00

This is a poem by Rudyard Kipling....this conveys a lot..."if only" we could be like this.... :)

This is the poem that "rajesh" character in "happy days" movie is asked to recite by "shreya madam".....

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

Travails of South Indian Men....

2007-09-17T04:04:00.000-07:00

Got this as a Fwd....cud not stop laughing at the authors amazing sense of humor........

This article is posted by an IIM A Student...It's really funny andaptly called "The Travails of Single South Indian Men of ConservativeUpbringing" a k a "Why We Don't Get Any..."

Yet another action packed weekend in Mumbai, full of fun, frolic and introspection. I have learnt many things. For example having moneywhen none of your friends have any is as good as not having any. Andafter spending much time in movie theatres, cafes and restaurants Ihave gathered many insights into the endless monotony that is the lovelife of south Indian men.

What I have unearthed is most disheartening.Disheartening because comprehension of these truths will not changeour status anytime soon. However there is also cause for joy. We neverstood a chance anyway.What loads the dice against virile, gallant, well educated, goodlooking, sincere degas, malls and tams?Our futures are shot to hell as soon as our parents bestow upon usnames that are anything but alluring. I cannot imagine a morefoolproof way of making sure the soothe male child remains singletill classified advertisements or that maternal uncle in San Franciscothinks otherwise.Name him "Parthasarathy Venkatachalapthy" and his inherent capabilityto combat celibacy is obliterated before he could even talk. He willgrow to be known as Partha. Before he knows, his smart, seductivelynamed northy classmates start calling him Paratha. No woman in theirright minds will go anyway near poor Parthasarathy. His investmentbanking job doesn't help either. His employer loves him though. He hasno personal life you see.By this time the Sanjay Singhs and Bobby Khans from his class havesmall businesses of their own and spend 60% of their lives in discosand pubs.The remaining 40% is spent coochicooing with leather and denim cladmuses in their penthouse flats on Nepean Sea Road. Business is safelyin the hands of the Mallu manager. After all with a name like BlossomBabykutty he can't use his Rs 30,000 salary anywhere. Blossom gave upon society when in school they automatically enrolled him for CookeryClasses. Along with all the girls...Yes my dear reader, nomenclature is the first nail in a coffin ofneglect and hormonal pandemonium.

In a kinder world they would justname the poor southern male child and throw him off the balcony. "Yesappa we have named him Goundamani..." THUD. Life would have been lesskinder to him anyway.If all the women the Upadhyays, Kumars, Pintos and, god forbid, theSens and Roys in the world have met were distributed amongst theArunkumars, Vadukuts and Chandramogans we would all be merry casanovaswith 3 to 4 pretty things at each arm. But alas it is not to be. Ofcourse the south Indian women have no such issues. They have nameswhich are like sweet poetry to the ravenous northie hormone tanks.Picture this: "Welcome, and this is my family. This is my daughterPoorni (what a sweet name!!) and my son Ponnalagusamy (er..hello..).."Cyanide would not be fast enough for poor Samy. Nothing Samy does willhelp him. He can pump iron, drive fast cars and wear snazzy clothes,but against a braindead dude called Arjun Singhania he has as muchchance of getting any as a Benedictine Monk in a Saharan Seminary.

Couple this with the other failures that have plagued our existence.Any attempt at spiking hair with gel fails miserably. In an hour Ihave a crown of greasy, smelly fibrous mush. My night ends there.However the northy just has to scream "Wakaw!!!" and you have to peelthe women off him to let him breathe. In a disco while we can managethe medium hip shake with neck curls, once the Bhangra starts pumpingwe are as fluid as cement and gravel in a mixer. Karan Kapoor or JatinThapar in the low cut jeans with chaddi strap showing and see throughshirt throws his elbows perfectly, thecynosure of all attention.

The women love a man who digs pasta and fondue.But why do they not see the simple pleasures of curd rice and coconutchutney? When poor Senthilnathan opens his tiffin box in the officelunch room his female coworkers just dissappear when they see thetamarind rice and poppadums. They have all rematerialised around BobbySingh who has ordered in Pizza and Garlic bread. (And they have thegall to talk of foreign origin.)

How can a man like me brought up in roomy lungis and oversizedpolyester shirts ever walk the walk in painted on jeans (that makes abig impression) and neon yellow rib hugging t shirts? All I can do isdon my worn "comfort fit" jeans and floral shirt. Which is pretty lowon the "Look at me lady" scale, just above fig leaf skirt and featherheadgear a la caveman, and a mite below Khakhi Shirt over a red tshirt and baggy khakhi pants and white trainers a la Rajnikanth in"Badsha".

Sociologically too the tam or mallu man is severely sidelined. Anaverage tam stud stays in a house with, on average, threegrandparents, three sets of uncles and aunts, and over 10 children.Not the ideal atmosphere for some intimacy and some full throated"WHOSE YOUR DADDY!!!" at the 3 in the morning. The mallu guy of courseis almost always in the gulf working alone on some onshore oil rig inthe desert. Rheumatic elbows me thinks.

Alas dear friends we are not just meant to set the nights on fire. Weare just not built to be "The Ladies Man". The black man has hip hop,the white man has rock, the southie guy only has idlis and tomatorasam or an NRI account in South Indian Bank Ernakulam Branch. Alas,as our destiny was determined in one fell swoop by our nomenclature,so will our futures be.And of course in the case of a nice arranged little love story, theagony does not end there. On the first night, as the stud sits on hisbed finally within touching distance and whispers his sweet desiresinto her delectable ear, she blushes, turns around and she whispersback"But amma has said only on second saturdays..."

Rules of Failure....

2007-09-16T22:42:00.000-07:00

Got this as a fwd....Not sure about its authenticity...but the stuff is good anyways...

Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school . He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2 : The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10 : Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11 : Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Just dont wanna Accept some truths in life....

2007-09-16T13:25:00.000-07:00

Lyrics from a song in a telugu movie "Bomarillu"...found them interesting......

nammaka tappani nijamaina nuvvika raavani chebutunna
enduku vinadO naa madi ipuDainaa
yevvaru eduruga vastunna nuvvEmO anukunTunaa
nee roopam naa choopula nodilEnaa
endaritO kalisunna nEnonTarigaane unna
nuvvodilina ee Ekaantam lOna
kannulu terichE unna nuvvu ninnaTi kalavE ayina
ippaTiki aa kalalO nE vunnaa

ee janmanta viDipOdi janTa
ani deevinchina guDiganTanu ika naa madi vinTundaa
naa venuvenTa nuvvE lEkunDa
rOju choosina E chOTaina nanu gurtistundaa
niluvuna nanu taDimi ala venudirigina chelimi ala
taDi kanulatO ninu vetikEdi alaa

nee snEhamlO veligE vennellO
konnaaLLaina santOshamga gaDichaayanukOnaa
naa oohallO kaligE vEdanalO
ennaaLLaina ee naDiraatiri gaDavadu anukOnaa
chirunavvula parichayama sirivennela parimaLamaa
chEjaarina aaSala tolivaramaa

On the same lines another interesting quote:
If Loving you is Wrong I dont want to be Right.....

On a Photographic Journey

2007-09-03T04:19:00.000-07:00

As they say "A picture says a thousand words".....here are a few millions

Happy days..........

2007-08-30T03:39:00.000-07:00

Was listening to the songs from this movie "Happy Days"......so sorta struck in a nostalgic wrap.......A throwback to the engineering days...so now get urself a tortoise coil...( mortein goodknight..or whateva...).....and lets get started...oh come on.....we r now on a flashback mode...........

Engineering days...I was lucky to get thru them b4 they switched to the present mode of being run like junior colleges........those were the times when u felt like u were kings of the world..the whole world was at ur choice.....we had this defiant streak...which just led us to live life on full terms..(or atleast i thot so....)

One bus pass and u had the whole city @ ur disposal......classes were meant to be for attendance.....books were for library and studyin was strictly restricted to exams..and results were in binary mode..(pass/fail).....

Hangin on the footboard was an art to be perfected.....tuckin a shirt was for highly special occasions.....mobile phones were for "rich " kids....bikes were prized possessions...which gave you access lot of things considered "privileged"....

Cricket matches defined ur existence.....canteen was the most frequented place....(..library steps come close )parties were meant to be rare occassions ..( it still is for some people)...at end of a hard day....money was pooled to buy a cool drink....lunch boxes were exchanged frequently.....last bench gang was a sacrosanct cult......Aims and ambitions were retrospective definitions......

All desires unfulfilled were locked away " when i earn i will do this...when i become big rich and famous will do that...." lots and lots of them..most of them lost their meaning.........lot of new ones previously unthought kept croppin up...........

It was a world wrapped and protected...the big bad world was still away.......college was our feifdom..infact lot of small feifdoms..which were meant not to be disturbed by one another........everyone was the protaganist of his/her world....

Friends ..the Be all and End all of those times...days started and ended with them........plans were made and destroyed for them........parting at the end of those years was the hardest......a few memories and u were oozin nostalgia...everythin tht u cursed durin those four years seemed lovely.......u visited the college and ur mind saw all those memories floating around......u r transported 2 a new world...infact a very old world....a world where u thot u were the happiest...........

and now where are all those...memories seem sweet.... people who made them have changed.....ambitions have been achieved...but u have nothin 2 prove to anyone.....all those unattainable things have fallen into your lap...but u have grown bored of them..........new ambitions, new plans, new people and...a new world...and making memories all over again.................

Enjoyed life then....enjoyin life still....will continue to do so.....methods may change....but aim is to enjoy all the same...what is correct ..and what is wrong is a moot point...cos at the end of the day its all relative.......

Freedom....

2007-08-19T11:18:00.000-07:00

Exhilaration of freedom ……….the joy of liberation….regaling flight of the spirit……..some of the thoughts that are getting to my mind…..

Last few days have been a revelation…the last few notes of discontent have gone from the symphony of my life…i am in perfect sync with my life…i am not getting used to it but i am enjoying it..realizing it cud not have been better for me………..

It may seem cynicism for many……..but I have seen life from the other side and I can perfectly understand that they cannot understand my perspective..they are too lost in flow of life..blinded by the blur of elementary ecstasy and momentary mesmerization………..

I am still a perfect believer of magic in life..but I don’t want to be fooled by hand tricks…

I realize that I am still able to live my life on my own terms…..I realize only my ambition and passion can restrain me , put constraints on me and stop me from doing something I want to do. I realize that i have not been forced consciously or subconsciously to do certain things people seem to be enjoy doing.......I realize that I am yet to make a compromise with my life,. I am yet to force myself to accept that this is the best I can get and I need to change myself to keep it with me….I realize my options are still open, my ideas are still mine, my aims still dictated by my likes and dislikes…I realize I am still free……

Enlightenment..

2007-07-23T23:45:00.000-07:00

Thoughts ..they just keep coming and going…its like a mish mash of cryptic codes ..perfectly making sense when alone …but not making up anything when seen in the big picture…on the whole nothing to state in a complete perspective…and then voila…..a moment of clarity when everything falls into place ….everything starts making sense…words come in perfect sync….make perfect meaning on the whole…its in one such moment of clarity that I write this…

I know for sure that I hate people clinging onto me…..but ofcourse there are people …….I would do anything to make them cling to me .. ;)….but of course they have no stated intention and unstated intuition to do so….but again what about me… have I changed …..have I undergone a complete metamorphosis…..have I …(as they say )…..moved on….lemme put it like this….

I still feel sad for the missed opportunities …but I have stopped crying…..
I still miss those magical moments ….but I have stopped yearning for them……
I still dream about those endearing possibilities….but I have stopped drooling over them….
I still feel happy on those flashes of unexpected attention…but I am not getting excited…
It is still the happiest part of my existence…but I am more than satisfied with lesser bouts of joy….

On the whole….It is still the fireworks show of my life,. .but I have decided not to light it up this time…Got other things to do….

Well coming back to where I started……well how do people take it..with people clinging onto each other so much…..in these days when people are movin on so fast in life…when relationships are being made and broken in no time..why am I talking about people clinging on….well nowadays as long as someone is with someone..it is just not being “with” some one…it is just clinging onto someone…….i mean its as if…they are sole purpose of their existence …….mails from them all the day….phone calls from them all the day…..meeting them whenever possible…...oh come on …get a life…..relationship is meant to be a support structure…not “the structure”…….well is not subtlety a virtue anymore???...cant some one just be there and still make the other just feel secure in their love and affection and not need to state it by all these acts……cant anyone just be secure in the knowledge that some one wants them as much if not more as they want them…do they need so much reassurance………well coming back to original hypothesis of this being a time when break ups and pretty much the norm…..well is this clinginess the reason…..I think it’s a matter of choice……simple case of marginal utility…people when they cant act out the clingy part….or cant take the clingy part just move on…..but only if they have a choice….if they have one they move on…but with the lesser mortals who feel they don’t stand a chance outside …..they keep up with clingy bingy..until they start believing it’s the actual thing……the stuff which was supposed to be the “good to thing” becomes a “need to do” thing…..thing which used to generate surprise becomes a expectation…..life becomes a drama being acted out….only that players themselves don’t realize they are still acting out a part…they become the part……If this is the way…..I am better off not acting….

Bangalored

2007-07-05T09:37:00.000-07:00

Hmm....now I am at Bangalore.....once known as garden city...now its full of parks..Tech parks, IT parks etc i mean....a new beginning i say...and its been cool till now...i mean literally..weather is a breeze..with a breeze blowing always......very nice weather.....a new job....cool work environs...an excitin future ahead...everything seems rosy...

Well anyways time to buck up and get into groove quickly..this is gonna be a helluva excitin ride......

This place is nice for its people and weather.....but traffic is at its other end....horrible is an understatement.....even crossing a road is an ordeal....riding a bike seems like a road rash game......only difference is that ....this is level 9 and above ( tht game has 5 levels)....

Now I need to start afresh...make new routines, make new relationships...both professional and personal.....well anyways pointers seem that is gonna be better.....

I will miss Delhi...nothin like that...but time to move on......Most probably onto better things.....

An ode to Delhi

2007-07-05T08:55:00.000-07:00

Life is funny..whenevr i fall in love with something that is taken away from me......Oh I am missing Delhi so much....

I miss

Dilli di kudiyaaan..well top of the list huh....:P

Dilli di galiyaan.....best driving experiences of my life..esp driving at mid nights....on bikes...open top cars...oh tht was fun....

Dilli Ki Khaana.....no place is such a haven for a foodie..esp the non vegetarian stuff.....

Dilli and the weekend getways...best travellin experiences of my life so far...

The places to hang out...so many of them......

Coffee at nescafe in iit...

lyin on the grass in iit circle and watchin the star...

watchin the well lit city from iit roof top at the midnight.....

watchin hundreds of movies courtesy iit lan....

goin to a movie at will...

zoomin on bike in the newly built highway..

havin chai at the busy traffic signal at sassi's....

Rollin up in bed under a razaai...in delhi winters...

gadgets at Nehru place...

t shirts in sn market...

icecream at midnight near India gate

splurgin money on impulsive shopping....

and so much and so much more.....

Last but the best..my frenz.....some of the best days of my life....Esp with karthik vicky......annu marut.....and ofcourse raghav.....( he is stil arnd at bangalore)....Fun times with asif and subbu....takin humor 2 new levels....

Delhi was a most excitin phase of my life...where perhaps I learnt most important lessons of my life.....combusted, imploded, thought i was finished...but picked myself up again.....up and fightin again..with renewed energies and new ideas.......hopin to make a difference.....

Fight

2007-03-18T12:31:00.000-07:00

There are times when darkness engulfs you, despair spreads its wings around you, you feel defeated, down and out. Well here we have a God sent opportunity to show what we are made of...
Its the time to Fight...

Every one who has fought has not won, but one thing that is certain is everyone who has won has fought and fought well at that..Fought tooth and nail..fought till the very end....But never gave up.

I do not know if I will win, but atleast i would like to go down fighting. Even if Iam not remembered for my victories, I would like to remembered as some one who fought ......and fought well.

Pink (city) se panga nahee lene kaa....

2006-11-13T00:17:00.000-08:00

Its time for one more trip......this time we were off to jaipur......this was a 3-4 hr drive from delhi...so arnd 8 of us set off in a couple of cars...............this weekend was supposed to get exciting as we started off early in the morning....Delhi - Jaipur highway was a smooth going....as even gurgaon stretch was not chaotic as usually it would be.... considering it was early in the weekend.......

sooon we were entering rajasthan and it was breakfast time.....we stopped at a resort, where we were welcomed by a sight of a group of rajasthani singers and dancers giving shape to their artforms...scenic surroundings set apart the place and soon we were zoomin on our way again...............Jaipur beckoned us soon and we started off at amer fort..which housed asia's largest cannon....it was said it was used only once and the cannon ball fell some 35 kms away in a village.....the fort was amazing built.....to resist any sort of attack with its multilayered defences........on the outers it was tough and rugged looking whereas inside it was an architectural delight with aesthetic designs and structures. we could only wonder at the opulence of the maharajas who inhabited it....

after the fort we went into the interiors of jaipur .....where a heavy duty splash of pink greeted us......here every house building and shop are supposed to be painted only in pink, even shades are considered to be violations...we saw the hawa mahal...which supposedly built for the royal ladies to see processions goin on with out them being seen outside......we saw the jaipur gate, the Le meridian hotel at jaipur....the jal mahal which was in quite a dilapidated condition.........in the evening we went to the jaipur musuem...which was closed ...but we did bribe our way in....which helped us as we could enjoy the place in isolation.......this was another example of jaipur 's aesthetic beauty......but time kept ticking away and we had to move on...

next was Chouki daani..this was a village resort....which had simulated village settings of rajasthan with village people taking care of you with all graciousnessof a host....it had a entry fee..otherwise once inside it was as if you had stepped into a world of rustic rajasthan....it was a village fair with puppet shows, camel rides, gameson offer, palmists and fortune tellers, magicians, people sellin lot of accessory stuff, rajasthani dancers dancing away to glory........it was one heady cocktail of village vivaciousness....after tht it was time to have food.....food was real sumptous and they were really being the hosts, forcing us to have more and more of the food....we ate till we felt we would burst and till they left forcing us to have more...but food was really tasty with lots of ghee, butter and lots more healthy stuff......we whiled some more time enjoyin the rustic scenery of rajasthan and playin marbles and asking palmists and looking around the different facets of the village fair...

the next day it was wrappin up time as we made shortworkof other visual treats to be enjoyed......also we had rajasthani traditional sweets....which were really yummy and good.......and after munch time it was shoppin time and ladies were real excited.......and people splurged....and why would they not..with such beautiful items on sale.......and by the time they were done....it was time to leave.....the way back wasuneventful except th average speed went up by 20 kmph and we were reacing with different vehicles......and we made it back safe and sound....and it would be business as usual from tomorrow...but this was one experience to treasure.....

On the top of the world

2006-11-01T12:06:00.000-08:00

Does possessiveness have a place in love???? i had this thought today that if u r really in love with some one you would not mind them being possessive about you. the best example would be a mother who would never complain that her child takes up all of her time and it does not like her leaving the child alone and go elsewhere. If this kind of love could come in a relationship then there would be no happier couple than them.

but how qualified am i to talk about love..... have i ever been in a relationship. but i have arrived at my idea of perfect love. lemme explain

When I would hold the f ace of my beloved in my hands, my hands should tremble because I will be feeling I am holding the most precious thing in the world in my hands. And face of my beloved should be at her relaxed best because she should feel that she is in the safest hands in the world. That for me would be Love.

Then I would be on the top of my world. :)

A trip to the Rocks...

2006-10-04T04:06:00.000-07:00

This trip was something I was looking forward to. But it almost got cancelled due to variety of reasons that don’t need a mention here. But I am really happy that it finally happened.

We set out on a Innova at 10 pm on Friday zooming through on the highways on breakneck speed. The driver really had an penchant for speed. He went on a minimum of 60 even on hilly roads. He seemed to be taking a pride in all the accidents he had precipitated while he was driving a car, a bus, stories about which he related to us. With movies on the dvd player and endless talk we never knew how time flew and we were soon on the rocky terrains. Himalayas with their breathtaking ambience were before us. You can keep watching the view of mountains stretching out in the morning sun.

We reached the hill station Muktheswar. It was a really sleepy and relaxed town. People walked about with out any hurry. They were laidback in everything they did. Their manners were cordial and their patience seemed unlimited. I wished I could set up an technology park in that place and recruit these people and spoil and destroy all the calm and tranquility existing in that place. Put them in an deadline mode.

We checked into the resort. Well those people do deserve a special mention. They just fell over each other to care for the customers. There was a warmth in the way they behaved. They provided us with anything we asked for especially food and stuff with out sulking like the hotelier staff of the cities or putting up absurd rules to trouble the customer.

Soon we were ready for the adventure sports stuff. First we went to a place called chauthi jaali. Here a 500 ft cliff jutted out of 25000 ft mountain . So when u stand on the cliff and look down it is all empty down there u look straight into a valley thousands of feet deep. Quite scary imagining the possibilities. So it was near this place we were gonna indulge in our adventure sports.

First was Rappelling. This was about going down a rock .on the whole it was easy. But the first few steps do scare you heavily. U just have lean back going perpendicular to the rock with a rope for support with only air under you and depths of rocky cliff waiting for you below. So taking those initial steps when u shift from a vertical position to an horizontal position perpendicular to rocky slope is the toughest part. After that u will enjoy going down the rocks.

Next was rock climbing. This was tougher but was not as frightening as the first one. But when u are right in the middle of the climb it could get scary when you struggle for handgrips and footholds. But it sure is exciting. There are times when u have to remove your left foot from a foothold and put in your right foot there with only ur hands in small apertures in rock for support so in that moment when both ur feet are in air it does get exhilarating. This was great fun.

And towards the later part in the day we went on a night trek when it got dark. This place was absolutely dark when the sun went down. With the torch lights for direction we started out into the wild vegetation on the hills. There were places where it was greatly slippery and wet. It was imperative you don’t slip to your sides which were the sloppy hillsides. You could go rolling several feet down. But after doing this you cannot stop being excited. Then we reached the top. The view here was amazing. And the starry sky was a feast for the eyes. At that height the sky was much clearer the stars felt closer. But the best part was the Milky Way, which really looked like the highway to the heaven as described in the mythologies. This was amazing and you felt one with stars and amazed at your irrelevance in the vast universe.

And we came back to the resort and sat enjoying the view of sky in the cool confines. It really was a relaxing experience for the mind.

Next day all recharged we went for the River crossing on the rope. This was again exciting as you went your way tied to a rope and using the rope tied across the banks to cross a river, which gurgled past us from a waterfall. This was an exciting and zooming experience. Going across the rope as the river roared its way down hill was an experience to remember.

After that we spent the day on rocks as some of my friends spent the day going rappelling to greater depths. Then we had the view of sunset in the mountains which was an ethereal feeling also we watched the mountains of nandadevi, trishul and many more which left you wondering at the intricacies of the nature.

The next day we started for nainital. This place with its lake and mountains is a tourist destination. We enjoyed the boating especially the pedaling thing. The calm waters of the lake are so different from the seawaters I am used to. After that we wanted to go by a cable car to enjoy the view of the mountains and scenic beauty of nainital, but exigencies of time never left us with an option.

So after that great trip we were back on the journey back home. This was the only thing perhaps which left us tired. After the great experience and lots of photographic memories, which we managed to capture in the digicams, we were back to the daily routine of jobs and stuff and a mountain of work again awaits you. After this trip you sure are rejenuvated and raring to go for more and no mountains of work are gonna bog us down. Here we go.....

and if u wanna look at the photos here is the link....

The photos of the trip

Q & A Session

2006-09-27T12:28:00.000-07:00

wel these are some of the questions i did wanna ask myself some day ....so lemme shoot...and lemme answer as it clicks onto my mind...this is as spontaneous as it gets..if at the end of it...it looks like crap...then iam deletin it......

why am i bloggin??

thts a stupid question to start with..if i knew the answers..why would i be here..typing outall these cravings of ignoramus......

wht makes me happy???

when iam happy..i get so lost in happiness tht i fail to realise wht is that exactly is making me happy...next time will try gettin to the exact reason......

wht makes me sad??

i dont believe in remembering things that make me sad

who is my best friend???

if only had i had an enemy life would have been interesting...damn i keep meeting so many good people that everyone becomes a friend and too much of a good thing could be dangerous ...since friends are good ...best friend is an dangerous concept tht i wish to steer clear off....

who is my greatest enemy?

do u still need to ask this question dumbo......

what is my aim??

aim aparatus theory and stuff should be confined to record books of perplexin experiments we did in our schools and colleges.....kal ka koi tikaana nahee..aim se kya karne kaa.....

wht is the greatest evil stalkin the humankind?

all the evil was dead in the movie "evil dead" rt.....anything left was taken care in the sequels....aur kya evil bacha hain rey????

wht next?

wht happened till now..tht i get worried about next.......

whts the reason to party in life??

quotin someone( i dont know who).....life may not be the party we wanted to go..but now that we are here lets dance.....

wht do u think u would do to make life exciting?

well i think i should learn guitar, i should learn salsa, i can also join an dramatics club...well thinking about this itself is exciting..since i have made life exciting by thinking alone..whts the need to do all tht???...ok lemme go and sleep..gdnt byebye..........

ok its done ...spontaneity stop...oh i feel lazy to read all the above stuff to check whether it is good or not.......iam just hitting the publish key.....enjoy the madness.................

mars and venus

2006-09-26T09:58:00.000-07:00

they say men are from mars and women are from venus...............if its rt...did the earth belong to eunuchs????

anyways on a serious front.......are men and women so diametrically different.............logically speaking ............strippin out all the societal mores...both are human beings..........the differences if any should be as normal as between a guy and guy or a gal and gal........

but why does this gender divide comin..ok lets not get into women oppresion and differentiation and stuff now..it does not help complicating a complicated issue further .....rt.....

lets consider people from say upper middle class....people most likely to consider and bring up their kids equally in atleast most of the things...............and lets consider people who are in similar situations ..people working in say similar circumstances.............

after similarising so much..still differences do occur............well may be iam sounding too very ignorant.......but this is something to wonder about ...when people do react in alarming different ways...which can be generalised by only one logical explanation ...their gender...........

i thought when all the caricatures and stereotypes which we see in movies are exxaggerated generalisations...but imagine my alarm when i see them for real......u can guess that she will react in this manner and he will react in this way ...down to a T...........

thts wht is so boring about the whole thing.......gals never cease to surprise me..and iam bored by the surprises.......and few things are so obvious that u want to raise above them..and u just cant......

u will find that every gal likes choclates...every gal will be mighty pleased if u praise her(esp her beauty..existent or non -existent)...........lot many charecteristics..which everyone knows.....and so boring even to post here..............and every time i meantion this to a gal..she will invariably say...iam not like this...whereas she would be the same in 90 % of those things......some gal wud may be turn up at this blog.....and say the same thing..........

well iam not saying guys are good and great....we do have our idiosyncrasies.....cricket football or any sport will excite us more than anything else..........guys will think of adventure first sentiment later........guys may be more interested in gettin physical most of the times..........guys get most freaked ou after gadgets....................

but why are these generalisations.........why cant people be more varied , more interestin....it would be much more fun..if u meet some gal who cud atleast be different...good or bad is a later concern...........

but you see...iam thinkin just like all other guys do............damn these generalisations......

Mad race of the world......

2006-09-24T15:39:00.000-07:00

Its funny how stereotypes are made...its funny how everyone gets after the stereotype of success.....

few days ago success meant goto USA get a green card .....come back marry a gal and goback ... settle there.....and it is still the same for some people...and these guys are in great demand when it comes to the marriage markets.............

but how times have changed.....the whole world is comin to india.........All the so-called benefits/attractions/advantages of USA or any other western country is now in india....that is ofcourse if u can afford it............

and it has happened silently.....and so very swiftly......... just like some one was moving the pieces separately , silently and suddenly the move is clear..the die is cast and the trap is clearly laidout in a game..............and everyone is partying now.........

and people who had no hopes in life are now making fast progress.........and at breakneck speeds.....

well well........ Iam not chronicling that here now..there are better books and authors who have done a better job of it........what i was wondering about was.......how have the stereotypes changed...i mean everyone does the same thing...as if its a golden laid out formula for success......

first u ought to be an engineer or doctor.......that is when u are into graduating.....once u r into engineering......u must be doin software courses irrespective of the branch u r in......once u r done with engg....u must write GRE/Gate...........i mean everyone is doin it..u ought to do it.......everyone who is worth his/her salt is advising you to do that.................

nowadays MBA is the buzz word.......with the media making a hype out of salarys of b-school grads...its the in -thing.....that is if u have crossed over the IT engineer thing...few days ago it was the most swanky thing...but now with every other guy whom you meet being a software engineer regardless of what where or how he studied...........it has become (or so it seems ) become passe..........

and we have number of people writing CAT tripling in 3 years............and fees for coaching institutes (offering you all and sundry type of CAT coaching) increasing by four times......and everyone wants to become an manager............and everyone wants to know the secret of cracking CAT..........iam not being dismissive....but people ought to know about themselves ......about wht they wanna do,....why they wanna do....about wht they want to do..before deciding on doing something.....they do it just because everyone is doin it........whatever..........whom do i wanna change....how many will i change....and why would i want to change them..................

these wry ways of world .....these are meant to be like this..........just because people are like this....people who make a difference...who are different ......are made to look special..and they deserve to be............kudos to those guys.....who have been different.....and who are responsible for India to be enjoyin these sunny days...........

IF NOT FOR THEM......wht would have these stereotypicalpeople done............hmmm......**sigh**...................

Rediscovering life

2006-09-23T15:10:00.000-07:00

I am feeling fresh......i think i have got back something that i thought i had lost by a twist of fate. .........but it seems it was ordained that way. i have rediscovered my life. I was wilting away .....whiling away my time worrying over what i lost. but i cud not fathom what i was losing in the process. I was losing my life, perhaps the best days of my life.

I realise that life always need not be what we think is the best. after all......is not every life a script in itself, with no pre ordained formulas and ways to success. .........so what was i searching for???.............was i after a mirage...was i realising what was in my hands while i was searching the whole world for the "reason " of my happiness.

Why not enjoy life as it comes....and to be exactly precise....my life has not given me reasons to complain......let me not give my self reasons to fret over the lost time....iam enjoyin life after a long time..rather iam realising iam enjoyin it...and iam lovin it........

no regrets for what happened...it taught me so much about life and it gave me so many sweet moments to treasure and strong lessons to digest........and i did not lose anything relvant in the process and before i lose something lemme get over it and enjoy life ...and i have already started doing it................

I have rediscovered LIFE.

sleepy protest......

2006-09-03T00:34:00.000-07:00

hey why dont people let me sleep even on a sunday ...gettin up at unholy hours on sundays and callin me and waking me up......now dont ask me whats that unholy hours meant to be.....it changes from week to week for me......

and i being the good boy.....try talkin to them .....and blabber lot of nonsense on the phone..............my jokes go real bad when iam sleepy.......but u just cant stop them........god help those who listen to them....:P

disturbed sleep means lot of dreams.......rather it means that u remember stuff u dream about.......and when u do that u feel restless.......dont even feel like u had a good sleep.....but dreams are funny sometimes, and scary at times....not in the horror movie kind of thing....but things u fear may happen do happen in our dreams and u wake up and realising its just a dream and u are at such an immense relief ..........some times u have sweet dreams and wake up dissapointed when u realise it was just a dream...........

its all that much better that u forget the dreams ..have a sound sleep.......no tensions and repurcussions in the morning............

anyways me feelin sleepy again.....should not waste this sunday...so here i doze off again.......hope no one calls me up to disturb my poor dear sleep...:(

ramblings......

2006-09-02T14:10:00.000-07:00

well well...what to say.......weekends they seem to be so good........why do weekends end after all. ....but little do we realise that weeks total work is what makes weekend beautiful.....

today iam sorta retrospective........why not...lifes been eventful wonderful and bloody fool...thts for the rhyming effect.....from runnin after the college bus to taking on the traffic in delhi...life has come far.......joys and sorrows have changed......after all change is essence of life.....

thinking of change one thing that does not change is the effect of these traffic jams......oh wht a pain they are.....even as you are trying to figure out how to get out of the mess that lies ahead of you......comes the king behind you and starts honking as if u have been standin in his way on the wide highway with out being able to drive your bike........i feel like parkin my bike then and there and get down and slap that guy ......well my belief in my muscular abilities does keep me from taking that extreme step.........but what does he mean by honking the horn......is he the only one who has to go through the damn traffic ...everyone is at loss of ways to negotiate that messy stuff out there......

i keep talking alot to myself when drivin and its lot of fun......a lot of situational comedy does arise which keeps me happy while driving.......

there is a lot left to explore in my life.....and i need to do that.....no point in returnin to same things again and again especially when they seem to be movin nowhere........

and these days my bad moods are costin me a lot quite literally ...i read some where that when u r in a bad mood it is a good idea to pamper yourself...and pamper myself is becomin quite a costly affair.......i go shoppin to spruce up my moods and then instinct takes over and i end up buyin a lot........really i hate bad moods........

today was my friend's and room mate's birthday..........we had the usual rounds of celebrations.....this sweet guy deserves a lot more man.....such a nice guy......he is a really good human being .......nice to have him as my friend.......anyways this does make me realise that i have stopped making friends and started making acquaintances..people i thought of as friends ahd moved on with their lives, whereas i have had stopped doing so...defined my circle..and built up a wall around me........this does not quite work for me...........i need to reach out...have a good time..make people happy and be happy..after all thats what life's all about.......

thinking is again gettin on to my nerves.....i keep thinking too much.....much beyond the realm of possible .....explorin non existin possiblities which disturb me.........i need to stop this....after all ignorance is bliss........stop thinking and start livin......tension nahee lene kaa..bas dene ka......as munna bhai would have us believe.......

after a long time

2006-08-24T12:40:00.000-07:00

hmmm iam back after a long time..on my blog.......lifes been quite busy....not much of time to blog even........lots of interestin things happenin in life......

life has not changed much as far as exact terms go....job has taken much of my time...and thats cornerin most of the mindspace also...so no point discussin work life....as nothin much novelty exists in that........

but missin my life at iit...those night outs...midnight coffee sessions at nescafe.....movie sessions lastin all the day.......sleepin at early morning and wakin up whenever i wish......its been really long since i went to sleep with out settin up an alarm........

how wish i cud dance my heart out..play cricket with intensity with which we used to play......all those things have taken a backseat......

one thing that has not changed is my source of utmost happiness.........my only enjoyment is caring for people who wont reciprocate........they actually dont need to.....its their choice.....but how long will i go on like this........does this have any meanin....if anything feelings are gettin stronger day by day as things are gettin hopeless on the other side.....where am i headed.....but if this is what makes me happy let that be......whatever is to happen let it happen..........i either come out of this stronger and a victor and as the happiest man on the earth....or let the flames engulf me all over.....this game will be played to finish...no steppin back now..............

Its fun or fanaa now........:)

A new journey

2006-07-10T05:52:00.000-07:00

hey after a long time iam back writing a blog........lifes been wonderful in between.............joined a job...got busy..( not completely till now....to be precise .....)........and lifes settled into a routine....

In a way iam loving it....the point that iam makinga contribution, iam becomin useful....but life has become a routine..doin the same thing over and over again....its all in a time table.......i miss the variety of iit life..............

Weekends have become very special......life has not left much time for me to brood over things which make me sad.....and a positive attitude is the side effect......

Falling in love with my job is something that is happening slowly...and when iam fully into it..it should be exciting.......

Here i go with hopes aspirations and stuff like that..with lots of ambition..onto a new journey in my life......and

Im just lovinnnnnnnnnnnn it....:)))))

Is Life a Compromise?????????

2006-05-07T08:47:00.000-07:00

Well i got this in a forward...the original author seems to have gone through a lot of anguish....and has poured it out through this.......whether I subscribe to his views is a different matter...but what he says seems to be something lot os people are identifying with.......well it is worth a debate......i would like comments on this........should life be an compromise like this???????????

She/He...And a love story

Friend: Happy birthday!
She : Haan...tha......nk yo....u...was just getting up from the bed.

Friend : Oh! That means I am the first to wish you!
She : Naa! He has already wished me at 12 in the night.

Friend : Who???
She : Come on, who else, Nitin.

Friend : Oh, ok. So, what's the plan for today?
She : Nitin told me that he has a surprise gift for me for my Birthday. And also we are going to Flower Show today. I am excited! I have never seen the flower show that happens in Lal Baug. Actually that itself is the most wonderful gift for me.

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Friend : "Did you go to Palace grounds all the way from Basavanagudi, to see Bryan Adam's show!!! Who accompanied you?"
She : Nitin

Friend : By the way, who referred your CV in SoCrates? I mean you don't know anyone there, right?
She : No, he forwarded my CV to one of his friends there.

Friend : I heard that the HR round interview went on till 8pm in the night. I think you faced difficulty in returning to your room.
She : No, he had come to pick me up. He came from his office, dropped me to my room and he returned to his room at around 11pm. He didn't have dinner also. I asked him to have at my room. Poor Nitin.

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Friend : If you are supposed to go home tomorrow itself then what about reservation?
She : I have told him, he will go to Majestic and would get it done, and he told he has some work in Majestic. That's why I am relaxed a bit.

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Friend : How was your written test in Philips?
She : I failed yaar. The day before the test I had prepared perfectly. Nitin had come to our room. He taught me the basics of embedded programming concepts. I was very confident only because of him. But something else was in store for me.

Friend : Then, what did you do on Sunday?
She : We had gone to see "Lakshya". He doesn't see Hindi movies. But as I was upset after failing in the Philips written test, he took me for movie. I was very happy and surprised that he himself decided for a Hindi movie, and he was very happy that I enjoyed the movie. And you know; we had dinner in Pizza hut. It was his belated B'day treat!

Friend : And, what was your belated gift ;-)
She : Gift!! I had given the gift on his B'day itself. I was the first to call him at 12 in the night, he was busy throughout the day, and somehow we could meet in the evening and I gifted him with a cute time piece with a nice quote on it. He doesn't have time sense, so my time piece must always remind him of this. That day he didn't give me any treat as he had to go back to office. Yesterday I had a fight over this, you know! Poor kid.

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Friend : Hello...what about our sari shopping program in Malleshwaram?
She : Listen, I will call you later.

Friend : You didn't call me back in the morning, so I called now.
She : Yeah, when you called I was in Koramangala, with Nitin. He was very upset in the morning. He had a fight with his elder brother. So, it wouldn't have been fair on my part to leave him alone. If I am with him in such situation very soon he comes back to normalcy. So I postponed the Malleshwaram program.

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Friend : Hey! What happened? You seem to be very happy today.
She : Why not? You know today is one of the most happiest days for me. Nitin got an onsite assignment in UK, for 6 months! That's why I am very happy. All of his hard work paid today. He had been waiting for this opportunity since long. He'll be leaving next month.

Friend : You will miss him.
She : Badly. I am so much dependent on him. I must thank Sanju, through him only I got to know Nitin. Without Nitin it would have been very difficult for me to stay in this alien city with no friends, relatives and on top of all, no job. He has been so caring friend all through my tough times in this city, he is so mature, so understanding, so trustworthy...a true friend.

Friend : He loves you yaar.
She : I know.

Friend : And you? Don't you love him?
She : I don't want to.

Friend : Don't tell me. You also feel for him.
She : I know yaar. He has everything that I expect in my dream-life-partner. I know I can never get a true life partner like him. But I don't want to commit.

Friend : What is stopping you? I really don't understand. When Miya-beevi are razi kya karega kazi?
She : Please...don't say like that. I never told him that I love him or something like that.

Friend : Is he a fool not to understand your feelings which are so clear from outside only? Poor fellow, don't leave him alone.
She : I have told him everything about my family. He knows how orthodox my parents are. They can never expect me marrying a guy from a different caste. They trust me. Come what may, I will not hurt my parent's feelings. I cannot imagine also. Now they are happily searching a guy for me in my native place.

Friend : Hmm, I don't understand at all.

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She : This Saturday I have to go home, a guy is coming to see me.
Friend : Oh! Is it? Good news yaar. Your first interview! Wish you all the best.

Friend : Any guesses, who is he?
She : Please yaar. I am least bothered and least interested. For the sake of my parents' happiness I have agreed for this.

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Friend : What about the interview, I was expecting your call actually?
She : Nothing so special. I didn't like the guy's attitude. I told my parents clearly. My parents are very understanding and so they too told me that they won't go ahead with this matter.

Friend : But still you should have analyzed properly.
She : I shared my views with Nitin. He had called me the next day. He didn't suggest me anything. He didn't tell me to say "yes" or "no", he didn't preach what is right or what is wrong. But after talking to him I was satisfied that whatever decision I took was right.

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Friend : Yesterday your mobile was engaged for more than half an hour. I kept trying, but I slept after 11pm.
She : Yeah, I was talking to Nitin. He is very much worried about my marriage. He is concerned whether I would get a guy of my choice or not, whether I would be happy with him or not. I was very sad to know this. But I am helpless. I pacified him and convinced that whatever my parents do, that will be the best for me, so no need to worry.

Friend : How Nitin will feel after you get married? Will he not be upset all the time?
She : Time will change everything. He will start living again. Was he not leading a normal life before I came into his life? It's all matter of time. Even I can't do anything other than pacifying him and myself with these philosophical statements.

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Finally " She" got engaged with a guy of her parent's choice (with her "yes" of course). She is in touch with both Nitin and the new "him" regularly through chatting in Yahoo Messenger.

Finally " She" got happily married to "him", very soon converting Nitin into memories, but deleting the memories was slow and almost impossible for Nitin.

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Why do girls do like this?

She needs him when she is new to the city.
She needs his help in finding out a PG or hostel for her
She makes him prepare a good-format-CV for her
She needs him to drop her to the venue of a walk-in interview
She expects him to collect all the consultants' mail ids
She needs him while preparing for the interviews
She needs his help in identifying HER skill sets, strengths and weakness!
She wants him to conduct a mock-interview for her!
She gives her yahoo mail id password so that he can forward her CV to consultants through internet in his office (in office hours!)
She needs him for boosting her confidence when she fails in the 1 ^st written test in her life
She wants him to take her to M.G Road , Brigade Road, Forum and Big bazaar
She needs his company while visiting all the temples in Malleshwaram on Vijayadashami, though he is not a believer of God.
She asks his opinions on importance of marriage
She wants him to be a shoulder to cry when her parents force her for marriage
She needs his help in preparing her mind for the first interview with a guy
She needs his help in deciding about the marriage proposal
She loves to share her happiness with him when she gets engaged
She expects him to attend her marriage (Come on guys, he is a true friend of her!)

The guy does all this honestly, without saying a single "No".

He loves her.
He cares for her.
Whatever he is today; it is only because of her entry in to his life.
He treats her as his life.
She changed him.
It is only because of her, he is smiling.
It is only because of her, he has forgotten the past bitter experiences.
She is the first person in his life to influence him so much.
He was the " bhatka hua musafir" and she came as his "manzil".
He threw the cigarette in the dust-bin because of her.
He has cultivated a positive attitude towards marriage and family because of her.
She is the perfect Indian woman he has ever seen.
He keeps a photo of Lord Krishna in his purse now; only because of her (also it is her favorite deity!).
Weekends come and go without his notice; it is only because of her.
He stopped going to office on Weekends; it is only because of her.
Onsite project was his dream; he puts all his efforts now, not to get an onsite assignment but to get a job for her in Bangalore.

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The girl depends on the guy as if she never lived and can never live without him. Guy behaves as if he has taken birth on this earth only to care for that lady. She treats him as a shoulder to cry and he treats her as a puppy in a rain storm. She loves to depend and he loves to take care, finally they fall in so called "love", ultimately adding an unnecessary trauma to life. Girls want a perfect life partner but they don't want to hurt their parents' feelings, guys know that they can't get her but still they want to care for her(because they want her to be happy wherever she is and with whoever she is).Great! Or shall I say crap!

Or I think no need to be so serious about it.

She gets engaged, life goes on...
Long lasting phone calls become short and sweet, life goes on...
A heart which was used to "Good morning" SMSs learns to be happy with just the "Happy weekend" SMSs, life goes on...
No more "Unread messages" in the yahoo mail, life goes on...
No one to share coffee at "Barista" at the end of a tiring working day, life goes on...
No more consultants' calls to be diverted and life goes on...
He starts smoking again, life goes on...
He is still living in flashback, and no looking back for her, but life goes on...
He gets promoted, he is a manager, she is mother of two kids, and life goes on...
He is in his late twenties, happily married to a beautiful, understanding, mature, caring, broad minded wife! Anyway life goes on...
He LOVED her....but MARRIED another....One became the WIFE,,,another became the PASSWORD,,,...Still LIFE goes on and on...

Who knows, among these "Nitin"s someone will come up as "Cheran" (ace Tamil film director)and make a wonderful movie "My autograph" telling us of his unsuccessful love stories, or someone will come up as "Sudeep"( Kannada film actor turned director) who goes to his flashback after seeing this movie and then decides remaking this movie in Kannada, giving common people an opportunity to relive their past love-life at least for 3 hours, that too with their spouses, without any problem! Because there is " She" in every wife and there is Nitin in every husband (most of the times!). There are dumb spectators like " Friend" who are puzzled to see the whole episode between "She" and Nitin and just ask themselves " WHAT IT IS???" .

The trip to Vaishnodevi - part-1

2006-04-17T18:44:00.000-07:00

Its been a long time since I had gone out on tour like this…….

Aah what a trip it was…..i had never gone on a trip so very unplanned…… never had the guts to do so…..whenever I went on a tour it was chalked out to last detail. But this time it was all different. I was never sure whether I would go even half an hour before I started on the tour. Suddenly a presentation came up on the days on which we were supposed to be on tour and I was ready to drop out. But surprisingly my prof agreed to postpone the presentation for us. God factor at work.

So we were off……ahoy….we set sail…( not literally)…..but we hit the first road block. The buses were full. It was peak time. 3 days holidays , exams time had just finished and auspicious days of pournami etc had all conspired to come together and we had scores of people traveling to vaishno devi. Just when things looked bleak, we got a bus , a pretty rickety one with just the number of seats needed for us. So we were over another hurdle.

The journey was a literal pain. The bus was so very old and badly maintained that I could not get any sleep. Even as people around me were snoring away to glory, I was just sitting there lying awake exploring the possibilities of escape, just in case if the parts of the bus decided to get disentangled. But as I realized me lying awake was a boon in disguise. I would have missed such beauties of nature. As the bus winded through Haryana and Punjab, in the full moon the view of vast stretches of wheat fielded were such a scene to behold. The gentle and cool breeze hit my face, the moonlight was mesmeric and I was in love ….all over again…with nature.

But again disaster struck. The bus as I was fearing decided to give in and we had a breakdown. We were struck in village in Punjab. As people were cursing their luck I decided to look and explore around. It was a pretty stereotypical Punjabi village. But it seemed to be filled with damsels. Every girl was a pretty one and it seemed that the kind of “discovering damsels in villages” kinda stuff they show in the movies seemed to be true after all. Ah ..how I wished I had been in that Punjabi village. But as all good things come to n end, bus was put back in shape….at least that’s what the driver thought and we started on our journey again.

Soon we had entered Jammu and Kashmir. And mountains on the horizon welcomed us. Snow capped peaks in distance were really a sight to behold. But all around us were armed personnel. There were bunkers all around, a soldier was stationed at every few feet standing around shops and houses, a few were searching the fields and a lot more. But the funniest thing was how people seemed to be not minding them. Teenagers were sitting around and chatting just a little distance away from gunned men. Children were playing cricket and others were going on about their businesses. I realized whatever may happen life had to move on. And these people have learned that in a bitter way.

as i was exploring the sceneries around our bus had different ideas. it decided to break down again and this time the driver decided it was useless. he got us into a passing bus which looked like theone shahrukh took in swades. And passing through umpteen security checks we were at vaishno devi. We had reached more than 9 hours late. the bus had started at 9 pm the previous night and we reached katra, which is the footstep of vaisnodevi at 6 pm the next day.Soon we had refreshed ourselves and we were joined by our friends who had taken the train route. And we were ready to start the trek to top.

The trip to vaishnodevi- part 2

2006-04-17T18:41:00.000-07:00

Now came the most fun part and most memorable part of our journey. This trek involved climbing by walk 6.5 km walk to Ard kuvaari which had the garb gufa. And then another 6.5 km walk to bhavan, where we had the main temple. And then we had to go to Bhairon temple another 1.5 km up with out which the trip was considered incomplete. So we were ready and raring to go. It was really fun trekking with friends and by the time we started from the room it was 12 in the night and by time we reached the footsteps and completed all the formalities it was 2 am and we started our climb.

Though I am making it sound all fun, there were people who were going barefooted, some people going on with out a break, some people going on rolling. Different manifestations of bhakthi. Old and infirm people were also walking braving their failing energies. Lot many people were using mules, horses and palanquins to carry them to the top. And there were people who were carrying others on their backs.

As we went climbing, the air got colder. We had great fun. Going with friends has this advantage. You don’t feel the tiredness of the trip. Soon it was dawn and as the first rays of sunlight came down, we were greeted by the breathtaking view of the mountains. They had edges like some one had cut them smoothly with a knife. And when we reached the top the view below was simply superb. The valley deep down seemed inviting. I felt jumping down and gliding like a bird, only it was not quite plausible. I felt like sitting there enjoying the breeze taking don the visual delight available out there. But we had to move and we did.

We reached the temple and we were in a shock. We took our tokens and realized that our turn was not due for another 14 to 15 hours. There were people who were waiting for so long for their turns. They were sleeping all along the halls and the pathways. This place was a great leveler. However rich, poor or powerful or desolate you may be. You had to wait for your turn. We had to find a way out otherwise our plans for way back would have to be seriously affected. One of our friends was son of a major general in army. Army people had a concession here. People with army passes had a special entrance which reduced the waiting time by quite some distance. So, due to our friend our passes were made and we were able to finish the whole thing in another couple of hours.

As we went in, it was a very minute fraction of the second that we were allowed to have a glimpse of God. After finishing darshan we went to bhairon temple and then we trekked back down to katra, that is down to the place where we started. So the trekking part ended there. Even though we were tired it was the most memorable trekof my life.

The adventure of the journey did not end there. As we came back to board the bus for which we had already booked, we realized that, the guy in travels had made a botch up and booked the same seats for more than couple of people. In the melee that followed it came down that we were left only a couple of sleeper berths. So 4 guys came back in a double sleeper and of course that ensured a almost sleepless night for me. By the next day we were back in IIT and it was “throw the bags aside and get to bed” time.

So this is the story of one of the most memorable trips of my life. As one of my friends quipped “ in our very small life, we had done a supposedly big thing, we had visited vaishnodevi…..”

Women's Day....

2006-03-08T11:06:00.000-08:00

What a spectacle has this become…I am not a great believer in these "days"..they seem ornamental for me….not much of a purpose seem to be served by them….but nowadays some of the marketing regarding them makes me laugh…

Just consider valentines day and women’s day ..these are the”days” which are marketed the most…ya of course they ought to be …because they are the largest gullible markets waiting to be tapped eternally…..but look at this year’s innovations……channel v has had women’s day celebration having bimbettes and heroines perform “xclusive” dance numbers…I don’t know what kind of liberation are these scantily clad ladies bringing about…only something of the summer kind of liberation…..and MTV proved that they think better of women..they seem to have decided women need eye candy also…and we have hunks all the day long…….all the bollywood heartthrobs baring their muscles for “all the gals in the house” to drool about…..and ofcourse we have all the romeos givin their “distinguished” views about women….so much for women’s day…..and women’s lib…

Now don’t accuse me of not watching the so called “meaningful”channels having debates with “eminent personalities from all walks of life” discussing about women and their role in the society…lot of them talk and more of them listen…and then switch off the tv and go to sleep…that’s whts been happening every year and every time..unless until another “day” comes along…and the circus starts all over again……

life is beautiful: another short story.....

2006-03-01T12:00:00.000-08:00

This is next in the line of stories.....after a few days of my first story i wrote this one..this was a reflection of many toughts that were disturbing me.....a lot many ideas which culminated into this short story...my 2nd creation....

Life is Beautiful:....
Life really seemed to be beautiful to me. I was waiting in USA Consulate in Chennai to get my visa processed. Wait, before we go further, let me introduce myself. My name is Amir Riaz. I hail from Visakhapatnam. I had finished my graduation and now I had obtained admission in a reputed university in United States of America for my MBA. All the procedural formalities had been completed. Money was never a problem for me. My father had earned enough for me and few more generations to come. All that remained was the issuing of visa and soon I would be flying to the land of my dreams. I was on the threshold of realizing my dream. A whole new world awaited me.

I was shaken out of my reverie by a shrill cry. I saw a masked man holding a gun to a young boy and ordering others not to move. For a few moments I could not fathom anything. Then I could make out that this was some sort of terrorist attack. This guy was holding the boy at gun point and was moving towards the main entrance. Everybody stood still not able to decide what to do. The security guards were shouting at the guy to drop the gun. They were hesitating to shoot due to concern of safety of the boy and other people. That masked man was moving along with boy towards the door.

As the guy passed me a sudden urge came upon me to do something. A voice inside told me to attack the guy. All the thinking modes in me snapped shut and I did not know what I was doing. I threw myself at the man. He let go a few bullets and they whizzed past me. I don’t know if it was my good luck or providence, but the bullets missed be just by centimeters. Soon that guy and me were rolling on the ground fighting for the gun. Then the sound of gunshots filled the room and our struggle stopped.

Soon I was a hero. All the news papers, TV channels and all sorts of media were feting me. In between the entire melee I had shot the guy. Later investigations had revealed that it was a part of a much planned attack. My action had foiled it and rest of them were shot dead and some of them were captured. A ghastly attack on the consulate had been prevented by my bravery. Many news papers and TV channels interviewed me and featured me prominently. I was invited to chat shows, news panels and all other sort of things. They even recommended my name for bravery awards.

All this celebration lasted for a month or so. Soon the media forgot me and moved on to new stories as usual. All the revelry died down. But one thing refused to die down. It was the feeling that I had a killed a human being. This kept on haunting me. I was the sort of person who abhorred violence. Even the violence depicted in the films used to put me off. So the fact that I had killed someone kept troubling me. I had acted on the spur of the moment. But now the incident kept coming back to haunt me. I had frightening dreams in which that terrorist kept appearing. I lost the peace of my mind. My friends and relatives tried consoling me saying that I had only killed someone who was going to do something evil. But that did not help my cause. I did not think that was any justification for my killing him. I had taken a human life and this feeling kept troubling and torturing me.

This entire hubbub had resulted in my visa being delayed and my trip to USA was postponed by a few months.. I had lost interest in all other things of life. Soon I had grown a beard and I wore a ragged look. My parents were worried about me. I decided I had to do something otherwise all these thoughts would drive me mad. I decided to put these ghosts to rest. I contacted the police department and gathered details about the person I had killed. I had seen his face after the incident in Chennai. He had a pretty innocent face of a teenager. He really was a teenager. He was nineteen years old. His name was Abdur Rehman. He hailed from Hyderabad. He had run away from his house few months back after the riots in Gujarat and had trained with the terrorists before he was sent on this mission. I took his address and started for Hyderabad. I decided not to shave myself so that the beard would help me hide my identity from his people. I took a large amount of money which I intended to give to his people. I did not know if that would help mitigate my feelings but I decided to give it anyway.

I reached Hyderabad and went in search of his house. It was quite a task searching for his house. Wherever I enquired about his address I was greeted with queer looks and suspicion. With great difficulty I managed to locate his house. It was quite a stereotype of a middle class house. When I knocked on the doors a middle aged lady opened the door. When I enquired whether it was Abdur Rehman’s house she gave me look which seemed to me like it had a mixture of anger and vexation. She looked pointedly at me and asked “Are you from the police? How many times will you people bother us? We had told you all that we know. What else do you want from us?” She was on the verge of breaking down. I explained to her that I was not from the police. I told her that I was Rehman’s friend and I had come to give them something he had wanted me to give them. On hearing this, the expression on her face changed to one of happiness and she welcomed me into the house.

The house was not much furnished. Barring a few chairs, there was not much furniture in the house. It was a pretty small house having a couple of rooms. The lady asked me to sit on a chair and she rushed in to fetch water for me. She shouted to someone inside the kitchen to cook lunch for me. She rushed hither and thither and served me some sweets. Then she started enquiring about her son, about what he had done all the days he had been away from home. I managed to make up some stories about him. She showed me his photos taken in his childhood. This guy had a very innocent look on his face. She showed me different medals and awards he had won since his childhood. This fellow had quite excelled in his academics. A very intelligent life had been cut short by me. This realization sent further spasms of pain in to my heart. She spoke lovingly of her son. She told me stories about his school, the way he used to talk, the way he used to sing songs. She said that she had stopped seeing daily soap operas now because her son did not like them and he used to scold them always. She told me that I was his first friend to come searching for him after his death. All others seemed to have thrown him out of their conscience. Only police came to question them about him. Soon she was crying and deploring why she could not stop her son from going the way of violence and to his death. I was unable to speak a word. A mother’s anguish at the loss of her son was too much for me to bear. The fact that I was the reason for that anguish did not make things easier for me. The lady got up and went into the kitchen crying. I sat there transfixed not knowing what to do. A delicate voice shook me out of my dilemma. It called out “Bhaiyya”. I looked at the direction of the voice. A teenaged girl in purdah was standing beside the door. She said “ Bhaiyya ,I am Rehman’s sister. Did he tell anything for me before he went away?” I was at the loss of words. “ Yes, Yes,” I stammered “ He told me to tell you that he loved you very much and he asked you to care of your mother and father after him”. She sighed and said “My brother used to be the most active person in our house. He always used to keep us in splits with his jokes. After he has gone all the happiness in our house is gone. Now only silence reigns in our house.” What she said seemed to be true. A pall of gloom hung about the house.

Then an elderly person walked into the house. He was very simply dressed. A sort of person you would very commonly come across on the road and you would perhaps not throw a second glance at him. “My father” the girl said and went inside the room. I got up and introduced myself to him. He greeted me affectionately. He had a very gentle voice and he spoke very steadily. He told that he worked as a clerk in a government department. He enquired about the purpose of my visit. When I gave him the money he looked at me suspiciously and said “If you are from the organization which made my son a terrorist and want to pay us this money for that you can leave my house right now” There was a firmness in his voice when he said that. I explained to him that I was not from any terrorist organization. I told him that his son had worked in my uncle’s shop before he went away. And my uncle had wanted to help Rehman’s family when he came to know of his fate. I had made up this story a short while ago. But he replied that he took pride in his work and he did not want to accept anyone’s charity. For all I could try I could not convince him to accept the money. By then the lady came and invited me to have lunch.

I had a very sumptuous lunch. It was a very simple serving but it was quite tasty. Their affection overwhelmed me. They treated me as one of their own. I was touched by the sincerity in their voices, the purity in the love they showered on me. When the lunch was over I chatted for a while with Rehman’s father. He spoke of how he had hoped that his son would do great things in life; how he had dreamt that his son would achieve great heights in pursuit of academic excellence. But now his death had put paid to all those hopes. Then it was time for me to leave. I took the blessings of the lady, bade the young girl goodbye and took leave of them. But the Rehman’s father insisted on accompanying me up to the station. We took a taxi and started for the station.

All the way I kept thinking about them. Rehman’s face kept flashing before my eyes. I had destroyed an object of a father’s hope, a mother’s love and a sister’s affection. I had destroyed hopes, dreams, and aspirations of a whole family. I had committed murder, not one but effectively three. My mind was in a state of turmoil. I realized the magnitude of the folly I had committed. I did not know what I could do. When we reached the station we got down and walked into the station. I decided that I had something to do before I left Hyderabad.

I walked up to Rehman’s father and looked into his eyes and told him the whole truth. I told him that I was the one who was killed his son. He looked at me benignly and said that he knew that. He also told me that everyone in his house knew that and it was in fact his wife who had first recognized him. This shocked me. I was dumbfounded at their kindness. I asked him “How could you people be so kind and affectionate to someone who had killed your son, someone who had destroyed your dreams, hopes, and aspirations? How could you forgive me?” The man looked at me with gentle smile and said “Who am I to forgive you? What folly have you committed for us to forgive you? It was not you who had killed my son. My son had died the day he took up the gun. The people who had propagated politics of hate for their selfish ends have killed my son. People who have killed fellow human beings just because they belong to another religion have killed my son. People who take advantage of the anger of downtrodden to fuel their agenda of destruction have killed my son. My son has met the fate of the person who chooses the wrong way. He had to die. You just did your duty. You saved the life of many people by your act of courage. I admire your bravery. I am proud of you, son.” This was the ultimate accolade I could get for my act on that fateful day. All the adulations and bravery awards did not matter to me. This was without parallel.

As I was coming back to Vizag on train, I realized that peace reigned in my mind. I had realized the real essence of beauty of life. My life was really beautiful.

Dreamer: Ashort story...

2006-02-23T07:36:00.000-08:00

after a couple of b'day eulogies ...here i come back again.....i wrote a couple of stories, when i was waiting for my mba course to start at iit delhi.....i had a couple of months when i was completely vella....had nothing to do.....so i turned a couple of ideas i had into short stories...mind u this short story was written when i had nothin better to do...so dont expect masterpeices...but this was my first effort at writing a short story......so read on..and comments will be appreciated....

DREAMER .......

" Venky get up and clean the tables" Subbiah's baritone voice rang through the kitchen causing Venky to jump out of his sleep. He got up cursing the college canteen owner who had shaken him out of dream when he was just about to eat the mangoes he had stolen out of Veeruâ€™s grove.

Venky was the cleaner in Subbiah's canteen. His name was actually Venkatiah but after coming to the city he had shortened it to Venky. He liked being called Venky since it sort of sounded trendy. It had been only a month since he had joined the job. Before that village had been his world. With its groves and fields where he used to roam with abandon, it had made him a part of it. But the city with all its variegated hues and multifaceted features made him seem trivial and out of place. He had lost his parents in a fire accident when he was an infant . His grandmother had brought him up.When he was around nineteen years old she too passed away. After her death one of his neighbours sent him to Subbiah who took pity on him and gave him a job in his canteen.

Venky was not exactly a good lookin guy, but he wasnot ugly either. He had a earnest smile which he used to flash often. He was quite thin for his age but he had a great deal of stamina and agility in his work. People say God bestows upon everyone some unique skill or talent as they call it. Venky had also come across people saying this but he could not decide what he was good at. Yes he was better at doing some things than others. He could play cricket better than football. He could swim better than most of the boys at his village. He used to sing to his hearts content but he wasnot exactly blessed with a mellifluous voice. He did not excel sufficiently in anything that he could claim that his future lay in it.

But there was one thing he did often and he did it pretty well. He used to day dream a lot. I say that he did it well because he really did let his imagination flourish. It was not like most others dreams,he used to construct his reverie to amazing detail. And he did not restrict his dreams about anything. Like after a day spent in playing cricket, especially if he managed a decent innings with bat or a tidy spell with the ball in the gully cicket he played with his friends, he would sit and fantasize himself playing in the test side against some country. He would constructing his fantasy to such details that he would imagine himself playing shot after shot and he would conjure all the score details including the extras. He had great enjoyment in imagining himself playing a shot against a bowler and he would also imagine the commentary in the match. And his dreams were not constrained to cricket .It could depend on how he spent his day.

His new job introduced him to a whole new world. It was a new experience to him. All the students , the way they moved around in their gizmo cars and bikes, the sophistication with they behaved was all a new experience for him. He had a keen sense of observation. He used to observe at the canteen different kinds of people. He used to admire the group of boys who always moved around wearing short t -shirts and flaunting their muscles. He wondered at the bespectacled student who always used to have his head buried in a book. He was amused at a group of girls always giggling among themselves. He used to see freshers who used to come into the canteen with frightened expressions on their faces like they were entering on to an exploration into a unknown cave. He also got used to boys settling down in a corner where they would not be visible to others and puff away their cigarettes. He used to observe all sorts of people in the canteen as he quietly went about his work of cleaning the tables. This job had changed his life. But one thing still was unchanged. He still day dreamed , only change was he built castles in air about new things.

Venky went about his routine daily without giving any one a chance to complain about his work. It was pretty much the same cleaning the tables, helping around in petty works in kitchen and cleaning dishes. Then one day he saw her . No it was not "love at first sight" stuff you find in the movies. He just was impressed with her. As he saw her he felt like looking at her again . Then he felt like looking at her from close quarters. More he saw her more he felt like seeing her. No it was not her beauty that captivated him ,he had seen more beautiful girls and he had forgotten them after they passed by. She was different , she had a certain gentleness about her. The way she moved, it seemed to him like a delicate branch swaying in the breeze. The way she talked , her voice was not harsh nor was it meek it was sweet like a lullaby. The way she used to look at something it was very fleeting glance like a muslin cloth slipping over a marble statue. Everything about her seemed poetic to him. She reminded him of the angels in the stories told by his grandma.

In a few days she was all he could think of. He used to wait all the day waiting for the moment she would step into the canteen. He used to feel a surge of energy on seeing her. At the same time he was mesmerized by her. He used to move around her the time she was in canteen. He would go to bed disappointed on the days she failed to turn up. He went home dancing on the day she asked him to get the tomato sauce. He could gather from the conversation of the group of students that her name was Gita and she was a student of science group. He observed she always used to order the costliest items and she used to tip the waiters quite generously. He could make out that she came from a well-to -do family. He used to observe every little detail about her like the way she ate ,the way she drank water and so on.

He knew at the bottom of his heart that all this madness meant nothing. But he used to sit and imagine himself talking to her, saying all the sweet things to her, singing songs to her and he used to feel exhilarated. He never used to lust after her. He sort of worshipped her, he deified her. He kept her on such a pedestal that he knew he would not be able to reach her. Yet dreams were his only solace, he derived his joy and happiness from them. His world of dreams was the only place where he enjoyed himself. All the free time he got was spent in conjuring up a new fantasy or re-experiencing an old one.He used to think of ways he would go and talk to her, the way he would impress her and the situations in which she would come to know about his merits and fall in love with her. But such situations never came up and it should not be surprising because if such things would happen in real life no one would perhaps imagine them in the first place. The moment he saw her he felt himself shrinking. He would feel so small in her presence. He used to be overawed by her presence.

Life moved on such terms. One day he watched an Eastman color film in which as is the usual formula the hero rescues the heroine from the goons and love used to sprout between them. As his wont he sat down after the film in a corner in the kitchen and started building his castles. He imagined that she would be waiting in the bus stop for the bus. Then a few goons would come and start eve teasing her. She would be feeling harassed. Then he would make his appearance like a hero and start beating the goons. He further went on imagining. He would kick one of them in his stomach and punch the other in his face. He would pick up a third one and throw him to the ground. Soon all the people would join him and soon beat those guys to pulp. Gita would look at him with admiration. He would go up to her and ask her if she was ok. And that would start their acquaintance which would soon blossom into a beautiful relationship. And so on he dreamed.

It was time to go home and he packed his belongings and started for his home. He stayed with Seethaiah the chief cook. As he approached the bus stop along with Seethaiah he saw Gita there. He was reminded of his latest daydream. He smiled to himself. Then he saw a few goons approaching her .His first reaction was one of shock. Then as he envisaged they started harassing her. He did not know what to do. For all his fantasizing Venky knew he was not exactly the muscular honcho who could bash up 3 to 4 people at a time. Then he realized that what was happening was the exact way he had fantasized. Perhaps God had decided to make his dream a reality. If that was the case the rest of his dream would also go the way he had dreamt of. This thought filled him with a great deal of energy. He dropped his belongings And he ran at the goons .He kicked one of them and punched the other one. "YES", he thought, "this is the way the dream went ,let me go on further" He tried to lift the third one but he couldnot move him. Instead the guy grabbed him. Soon all other people in the bus stop were rushing at them. Venky thought " Leave the aberration , the other people would help me beat these goons" . But the people started beating him instead. This was not the way the dream was supposed to go. All of them were raining blows on him. He saw Gita then. The look on her face was not one of admiration, but of shock and disgust. He just could not understand. As he was thinking her image began dimming before his eyes. Soon he passed out.

When he came back to his senses, he was on a hospital bed. He was bandaged at several places. He looked around; his eyes were searching for Gita .He could find only Seethaiah standing in the room. He mustered his voice and asked Seethaiah what had happened. Seethaiah flew into a rage and shouted back at him "What do you mean by asking me? what happened to you? Why did you rush at the students and start beating them up? They were after all harmlessly discussing their studies. What made you to pick up a fight with them? All the other students would not sit and watch if you were beating their fellow students. Subbaiah has asked me to hand over your belongings and the money for the work you have done till now. There that finishes my work I am going .You go your way after these people discharge you".After handing over his belongings Seethaiah went away.

Venky realized that after all there were no goons. He had still been in his dreams as he mistook the students for the goons and tried his hand at bashing them up. He had been living so much in his dreams that he had failed to distinguish between dreams and reality. Now life in all its reality stared him in the face. He had lost his job. He had no one in this world. He had no place to go. He could not go back to that college after all this hullabaloo. But more than all this what rankled him was the thought that he could never see Gita again. That thought made him mad, caused him a lot of pain more than what his wounds caused him. He spent his days at the hospital thinking about her. He always used to keep looking at the entrance in the hope that she would come. Not only her but no one ever came to see him.

After a few days they discharged him from the hospital. As he limped out on his way out from the hospital, he realized that he had no one to take him and he had nowhere to go. When he came out of the hospital he got the shock of his life .For there on the road Gita was standing holding a flower bouquet in her hands .He slowly moved towards her. When he came up to her she leaned forward and said " I know why you behaved like that on that day at the bus stop. It was your love and devotion for me which made you to fight like that. All the people mistook you ." Then after a pause she looked into his eyes and said " But I understand you and your love for me" Then she suddenly shouted "honk" .Venky could not fathom it. Why did she shout like that in between such a sweet moment? He looked into her eyes . Then she shouted again "Honk honk honk" .This time so loudly that Venky threw his head back and closed his eyes. When he opened his eyes he saw not Gita but a large vehicle standing before him on the road and the driver was honking his horn loudly and shouting angrily at him. Then Venky realized " Oh My God! I was dreaming again".

an ode to a listener...

2006-02-17T10:52:00.000-08:00

There was this guy who listened , listened and listend and kept listening....and i found that soon everyone liked talking to him......

as they say...the key to success is listening.....everyone likes people who listen...some one who listens about whatever u talk should be a perrenial favourite with everyone..one such favourite was vamsi .........he was always all ears..........an ever helpful guy....

he does amaze with his patience.....well it was fun......

those days in beach ...as u listened to all the drivel...

those days in the canteen....as we all put together the change with us...for a bottle of coke...

those days in theatres...as u dragged us to every hollywood flick coming to vizag....

those days in the ground ..as we scampered singles like mad....

those days in the library ...as we bunked classes and chatted away to glory.....

aaha only if we could relive those...atleast lets rejig our memories with that.........

anyways dude...u r such a integral part of my nostalgia.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ...Vamsi...hope u remain perennial favourite of everyone....

p.s: - i would like to see if u would listen to your wife in the same way in some time in the future..:P.....

TMS......

2006-02-15T13:52:00.000-08:00

when i came to IIT, it was the first time i was staying outside my home...it was sort of unburdening experience...but i was naturally apprehensive about who was gonna be my roommate....then i spotted this guy..who looked distinctively north indian...in fact like a nepali...:P,.....who was alloted the same room as me...then i asked him something and instinctively he replied in telugu......it was quite a relief......iam not against north indians..relief was due to the fact i could listen to telugu songs with out any one objecting to it....as it turned out he did not even object to my playing tamil songs....we did not exactly become great buddies from day one...there was a kind of aloofness about us..but we interfered very little in each other's business....our paths seldom crossed ...so life went on smoothly.....

then after a few days.....during our exam times when we were thrown together because we had to read for our exams we were having one of our rare talks....as we kept talking i told him about my engg days..and as i went into my flash back....he soon started talking about his..and soon we realised that we had lot in common...............and from that day it was never the same...we went on to become very good friends.....one of the few really good friends that i could relate to ...in iit....soon we were best of friends.....helping each other out ...teasing each other...and along with raghav..we formed a trio....of very good friends, who had a gala time...................

soon we had our single rooms and we were on our own paths for our courses ..but our friendship still endures.......he has moved on from strength to strength....and i have come several notches in our academic schedules....but our friendship is still something to treasure and wonder....

He is none other Mahesh..alias Thakur Maheshwar singh....TMS ...as he likes to call himself.....he was the guy who was my inspiration for studying for the only minors i read in iit ...;)......topper and the bright boy....with a warm heart......and lot of smiles to offer.....he is one guy....whom i can tease with out worrying that he will take offence...for we have had that fizz going...anycase the only one reason iam giving this jerk a pride of place in my blog is......he has his birthday today......and i wish him a very very very,......Happy Birthday..........hope u get best of life in everything buddy........

WHY??????

2006-02-13T14:37:00.000-08:00

today i began to wonder.....why is that in every movie...the hero gets the heroine at the end..inspite of all the twists and turns that take place to unbelievable extremes.......why is that in real life it does not happen..inspite of much simpler realities....why does it not happen in real life...aaah then i realise....that at the end of it.....Iam not the hero in this story........i dont even deserve to be the villain....Iam just the comedian....who makes people laugh, makes them forget their troubles and in the process tries to sidestep his own problems......and then fades away into the oblivion................thats what I am..................

cricket.............

2006-02-10T12:00:00.000-08:00

well nowadays...iam back to playing cricket with full energy and vigour.........today i had a great day on field..batting with great abadon...seems like i struck a nice patch.....today was especially nice ..playing an nice aggressive innings...with shots all over the place..with out taking any risk...as me and asif closed out the match with out losing any wickets in a hurricane spell of shot making....

cricket has a laid back charm by itself...some sort of elegance which would be lacking in other games....just the feel of ball meeting the willow...the feeling of joy as the ball races to the boundary as u execute those shots of silken beauty........the sound of ball rattling the timber....the late swing which leaves the batsmen looking like a boy lost in a mela...the bamboozling spin which makes the guy with willow in hand look as if he is in midst of circus performing the clown act.....the stunning dives , the catches plucked out of thin air......all these things can only be appreciated by cricket connoisseurs.......

well when i was young i had this burning ambition to become a cricket player...i fantasized about cricket in my teens much more than about gals..........but ofcourse that dream has just remained that....now it has become an unfulfilled one.........now as i move on with my life.....the realisation sinks in that...in a few days i may not be playing this sport at all........may be all those shots , those dives in the field will be a thing of past...as i may lose the physical agility of a young man to slowness of a middle aged one..as i become more engrossed in the troubles of life which will be taking more and more of my time and mindspace................i may lose the joy of playing cricket...that makes me feel sad .In anycase will try to enjoy my last few afairs with cricket and perhaps try to have some more with it..whenever possible....:)

Peter Pan..???????????????????????

2006-02-10T11:46:00.000-08:00

hey ....

i was browsing through blogs of my friends and came across this quiz and gave it as a na act of impulse......my god what all works will people do when they are "vela".."vetti"...or free from work....anyways here as the results..i dunno what they mean..but my alter ego is peter pan..hehe thts funny......

You scored as Peter Pan. Your alter ego is Peter Pan. You are a child at heart. Anything you believe is possible, and you never want to grow up.

Peter Pan

100%

Goofy

81%

Pinocchio

75%

The Beast

75%

Ariel

69%

Cinderella

56%

Cruella De Ville

50%

Sleeping Beauty

44%

Donald Duck

31%

Snow White

19%

Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego?
created with QuizFarm.com

valentine's day...

2006-02-09T11:36:00.000-08:00

hehe...the seasonal bug has caught onto me..dont worry iam not gonna get mushy and harp on love, its beauty and its so called umpteen avatars.....what is that rankles me is that what a spectacle have they made out of this love and lovers day....

just look at love as being professed by people and in the movies, stories and other stuff..... going after gals with whom they would have never talked, whom they would not even know whether they will prefer coffee or tea. standing in the bus stops, bunking colleges and neglecting useful work.

people who would have never talked to girl, falling in love with 'love' with the first girl who would talk to them. .... people who do not have planned for their future...planning for a life partner.........well the other side of the spectrum is no good. .....people fall in love after looking at bank balances, future prospects, expensive gifts...wht r they in love with after all....

look at people who say they are in love, what is their love ....going to movies, discos, hanging out in restaurants.....is this love...

there is a huge juggernaut of marketeers waiting to take advantage of this bunch of lovers......just look at the shops springing up selling cards........ websites having love letters....well here we have templates ready..for people to get into love...was not love supposed to a personal relationship between 2 persons...........

people who cant even declare their love fearlessly, who cant talk to their own parents that they are in love with someone, who would not think twice before leaving their homes, parents just because they are afraid of facing them and tellin g about their love...........dont deserve to be in love.

and we have a bunch of moral policemen ready to spoil valentine day parties, break into card shops and to advocate values to the new generation as if they themselves are moulded out of perfection....persons who would not give respect to ladies in their houses giving moral classes to people on the street is not a digestable concept.............

wherever you see, this love is being sold to us...love in the movies..love in the songs.....love in serials, ...love in the books...love in the advertisements....wherever u look it is being sold as a compulsory accessory u need to have in life.....

well iam not against love ..but it should happen to a person on account of his own feelings, on account of genuine liking of another human being...but look at what is happening...it is being potrayed as something that happens to everyone..in particular times...it is as if everyone ought to do it..or u have some short coming if u are not onto it......

and result is ...we have youngs boys in school starting to look for out for a beautiful gal and declare that they are in love and go after that gal troubling her....sometimes with disastrous consequences...girls are also not immune to this stuff... a whole generation of gals bought up on mills and boons romanctic curry type of love...swoon on muscular looking guys and handsome looking hunks...and keep blushing and taking on their advances in the ages in which they dont even know responsibility of their actions..............

come a little farther we have guys and gals who are committing suicides just because some one did not love them..if they did not whats the big deal....everyone does not love us.... not even like us.......do we care.............then why does this happen...

we have people who think falling in love is meeting daily at bus stops,libraries, or whatever place they could find..a movie every week, goin to beach ....hanging out in discos......giving expensive gifts on every possible occassion........as if people who could not afford these things are incapable of falling in love.....

fine... i have ranted and raved too long ..do u wanna know what my idea of love is...how do you care...it should be between me and person whom iam in love with...why does the world care what i think?????????????

prisons.....

2006-02-07T15:41:00.000-08:00

today i was watching this movie shawshank redemption...this dealt with a prison and the life of the inmates....life imprisonment...convicts, felons, jailers , wardens , wht queer characters.........

on one side u feel that these people who have done crimes should be punished , but on the other hand the inhuman conditions, strict boredom of their lifes, cruel behaviour of the jailor staff, the crooked behaviour of the inmates are something which could leave anyone disturbed...

but this is how things are meant to be....only if the things were as bad as it were in the jail would it act as punishment, it would act as a detterrent for people from committing crimes. and the nature of some of the crimes committed certainly would be deserving such a punishment.....

but wht would happen if a innocent person were to land up in this mess . life would such a mess for him. then what could happen if a good person is drwan committing a crime by quirk of circumstances???? would such a punishment be justified. or if someone does commit this crime in just a moment of madness. would it just leaving him rueing for all his life that one moment of madness...........well i dont have the answers for these questions.............lets see if will get some......

hope....

2006-02-07T15:29:00.000-08:00

" hope is a good thing ..in fact the best thing...and good things never die".......

unforgettable lines from the movie "shawshank redemption" ......

wht a nice way to put things in perspective.....hope ....there are times when i have wondered about this hope....this is the thing which keeps us going......but again i wonder is this the thing which keeps people on useless pursuits...wasting the time which could have been put on better things...

well whether this hope which keeps people going is good or bad can be answered on a personalised basis...the tide of time will have its answers ready......and everyone will get their answers...so as for lets keep the hope going..........

lot of things in our life are beyond our control...we just dont know what comes next at us...we aspire dream and long for lot of things , but never are we sure of getting those things....but do we stop pining for those things???why....hope....its the only answer..but hope does bring with it dissappointment when things go wrong......joy when things go well....so its amixed package always..yet thats what is perhaps has been the differentiator...as it is said u can never discover new oceans with out losing sight of the shore...so take the plunge..and hope ...hope for the best.........

bliss....

2006-02-03T15:06:00.001-08:00

well life seems so very blissful to me..at this moment...sort of calmness around me.....a comfort zone....let me recount some other moments of joy......

in mother's lap....sleeping ..it is as a child u get to have maximum experience of this joy...most of us get conscious as we grow older...and dont sleep in ur mom's lap...well whats nicer than to fall into a blissful sleep in ur mother's lap.....
listening to wonderful melodious song in the moonlight.....forgettin everything in the liltin melody of the song....
returning to bed after a victorious day...after u won something, achieved something big...after all the rounds of congratulations and partying u return to the bed..tired, then as u fall asleep content it is moment to savour....
when u r in the moonlight in a beach...it is then only u and the waves...u will feel a sense of calm pervade on you...watching the waves wash ashore in moonlight is something to cherish....
early in the morning during the sunrise...watching the dew on the grass..as the sunlight spreads around ...giving you the energy to start a new day, face the world all over again....
watching a baby sleep with little folded hands....as they seem to be in perfect bliss....
when u do a good deed, make someone happy......bring a smile on some ones face...u have a feel good feeling...
something i have not experienced , but have heard.....in the arms of the one u love.....

these r somethings i could think there could be many more...depending on the personal experiences......they do happen in everyones life at some point or other to varying degrees, but the secret is to recognise them, to capture the moment , treasure it and cherish it.....

Death?????

2006-02-01T11:41:00.000-08:00

well iam not contemplating it ......so relax......well this topic is not quite something i would discuss very often..iam a great believer in life.....as some one said....

Despite the cost of LIVING...LIVING is quite popular.....

well no one wants to die....atleast in normal circumstances....given a chance evry one wants to live ....despite the fact death is the most inevitable thing in everyones life.......

well how would a person feel if he comes to know that he has not got much time in his life....say he is gonna die....in a few days , months ..or whateva.......how does he take it????...the inevitable is suddenly facing him.....wht does he do...for all his talents he cannot beat this turn in his life..the final turn.....

in one way....it seems its all so uselss ..all tht we struggle to earn to keep , to give..and what not...in the end nothin is left..................

but then why does everyonestruggle in life for what???????

obvious answer ...for LIFE......life is the JOURNEY that matters..Death is the DESTINATION..that does not matter...........

so secret of life is to live it....every penny saved is penny earned...but every penny spent is penny enjoyed.......so live life to fullest.....

" live life as if it is ur last day ...one day u will be right..."

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NARESH .....

2006-01-31T12:48:00.000-08:00

well today was the day..around 23 years ago tht this guy naresh was born.......on his birthday here i try to pay a tribute to him and our friendship.....hope u got the hint tht today is his b'day and iam gonna praise him to the core.....hehe...

frankly speaking i just need a occasion to praise him.....wht better one than his birthday.........

i remember our first meetin..it was in year 1998....here was a guy..with a tilak in his fore head...and he used utter "jesus" for any profanity in the boys lingo...i thought " wht a queer guy"...looks like a lost one....

and in a few days we were like pullin each others leg very often....so much so tht people thought we had some sort of " rayalseema rivalry" between us...but soon we developed a sort of bondin ..quite unconsciously...........we discovered tht we had matchin tastes in most of things which could keep us together like movies, studies..and contrastingly different tastes in things tht cud separate us...like girls...( we liked exactly opposite kind of gals..hehe)......

and we were fortunate enough to be in same class even in engg..and our friendship blossomed more and more.....of course stayin with him resulted in me being popular atleast as " tht guy who roams around with naresh"......

this guy with his tall dark and handsome looks.... had a large legion of fans among gals..so much so that he did not even realise it....

and i frankly thought that he would never fall in love...i mean with kind of gal he had in mind as his "dream gal"...i thought such gals cud be developed as special effect in computers.....but luckily for him..he was in love and happy...hope he stays that way.......

i have always wondered how cud a guy be so very gud so very perfect ..with out any blemishes, faults...or shortcomings..he always amazed me to that extent......no well meaning person could get angry with him......always helpful, always doin the right thing....

looks like this is gettin longer...but iam never short of words when praisin this fella.....

the best gift i cud give him for his birthday is HE himself...cos there is no better thing in this world than him.......

since he already has it..the next best thing i could do is tell him that HE is the best.....

Happy birthday naresh...may u have all that u desire and all tht u aspire....

lemme have ur friendship......

the beach.............

2006-01-29T14:42:00.000-08:00

why dont we have a beach in delhi... i miss it so much..............

the best thing about the beach it is free....hehe....it was one place u could hang out without burnin a hole in ur pockets...............

U cud feel the solitude ...inspite of all the crowds..u can sit and watch the waves....it is as if..it is u and the waves.......there was something about those waves which made me a touch philosophical...makin me to zoom into one of those retrospective moods......playin with the waves was another fun activity..................

ofcourse me and my friend always used to lament that we could not hang out with gal friends in the beach....well he has moved on in his life ...and as for me it has remained an unfulfilled wish.... no probs..... it is a long life.....

ofcourse u had those groundnuts and muri mixtures...and other sea delicacies to go with it...................

well my friends if you ever get into a place on the coastline dont ever miss THE BEACH...............

Happy......

2006-01-29T14:06:00.000-08:00

hey this song from the film happy is quite infectious......quite a peppy tune.....well today my mood quite reflects it......

hmm........ i did not do anything big or worthwhile today to explain it......watched 3 movies today...along with cricket telecast.........time pass stuff...but definitely not a worthwhile pastime....

why am i happy???????????.....cant explain it...so many little things.....combine to make me happy.....a feel good mood...........as i goto bed a HAPPY man.......

Missin Gitam..............

2006-01-29T13:48:00.000-08:00

Iam missin gitam………very much……… iam missin all my frenzzz….especially the days spent at gitam……even if
i meet all my frenz can we relive those days………iam missin the times spent on the
stairs of library, in the canteen , in sairam parlour, those cricket
matches in the ground….those parties at our canteens and foodex…..i
miss them all ……… the walks we used to take in between studying……..the
bus rides…..the 8 o clockbus……e learning centre…those long chats..after bunkin classes...movies with friends....…….i miss them all……I miss
the people……… …I have moved into an busy life……….i have lots to do…I
enjoy myself here….this place has its own maza but I miss gitam…….i
feel like cryin when iam writin this…..i feel like goin back 2 those
days……..but u know we cant …time moves….i don't know if I will meet all my friends ever again in life………..even if I meet them will it again be the
same………….i don't know…….

Lazigar.......

2006-01-28T12:50:00.000-08:00

This is cool..life has become such a free bizz...nothin much to..nothin really to slog...but this is real dangerous...iam getting used to this sort of lazing around....

and iam becoming very lazy..once u get used to be vetti ..or vela...as they call it..it is real difficult to come out of that thing...inertia of rest ......as it can be called ...is very difficult to overcome...

hope i dont get enslaved to it.....

well on one side iam longin for something exciting to do...whereas on the other side..iam really lazy to go and search for it.....wht a paradox......

I have become a LAZIGAAR....:D

Rang De Basanti......

2006-01-28T12:24:00.000-08:00

well a nice movie after a real long time..a movie which made me laugh , think, feel and fret all at the same time............

thankfully this movie did not preach, it wanted to put a message across.......which it does effectively....

but wht do we do with the message....everyone as long as they see the movie, they seem to agree with it...but everyone goes home and forgets it..life goes as usual............

then is there no solution for all this????....will things remain the same and go even bad.........

well only solution is from the common man..the common man which is me...which is you..which is everyone...no one can do anything big...no one can actually do it..no one needs to..it is the small things which we should start.....a small step which would be the beginning of a long journey...

but who is putting the first step across??????who is starting it all????????????

Positivism???

2006-01-28T12:14:00.000-08:00

Well here I am a great believer of positivism...question it...doubtin it...sounds strange.....

but i had had this nagging doubt..here iam takin pleasure in small joys....small signs of encouragement, small rays of hope............but does this really work....

When reality stares me in the face...can i take it...can i accept it......Is this positivism a miracle drug??..or a narcotic which is gettin onto my veins..which will leave me in despair..the day it is snatched away from me???????

Only time will answer...................

MY DOUBT?????

2006-01-28T12:05:00.000-08:00

Well i have had this doubt...what is there to be excited about a marriage...well to be more specific arranged marriages.....well guys ...they r a species which seems to be excited about anything remotely female..leave them...wht about the gals????..

i mean i have seen gals gettin so very paranoidically excited about getting married... u see there is this guy whom they did not know tht he existed on this planet about some time ago...and now they are hopping excitedly about getting married to them...and in most of the cases ..we do not have any handsome greek god waiting out there...to give a plausible explanation for my doubt............but mostly its a pot bellied doctor( aNRI who has made money in dollars) or a balding software geek.......

whts there to get excited....u people are gonna get married and lose whatever freedom u had..take on new burdens, new responsibilities....and new troubles..u have a mother-in - law waiting for u.........

WHT THE #%^@$ IS THERE TO GET EXCITED ABOUT???????

Train Journey......

2006-01-28T11:55:00.000-08:00

Well then i had a 36 hour train journey...............and to top it all i was in a mood when solitude seemed like a boon......combined with co passengers who seemed to be discussing the most mundane topics i could ever fathom.......

so here i was thinking and thinking of things ranging from sports to relations, space to microbial...and as ofcourse i was bored in no time....well with so much thought process flowing all i wanted was a computer with a net connection so that i would blog away to glory...hehe and tht was out of question.............

well i cant even remember most of those things now......but tht ordeal of spending 36 hours of a train journey .....well tht does not seem to be the last one.....i have many more journeys to make.........

let me start puttin my thoughts as they come to me..in the next few posts..........

Whts happening??????

2006-01-28T11:43:00.000-08:00

Life has been a breeze ......nothin much to do..nothin much to achieve,...time seems to be standing still.....

2006 has just began..a new year , new hopes , new aspirations.............everything new....but nothin seems to have changed...................

Last few days have seen my mood wander into extremes.....what all can have when u have time to think...mind is very fast ..it keeps taking you into different realms, different possibilities, different aspects, different moods, so much so that u begin to live there, firmly entrenched there..............

this post may seem to be in random, thts how it has been............random thoughts, random ideas, random possibilities..thts been life......

let me put last few days in perspective..........it was all wonderful at home..doting parents...friends to have fun with....places i loved...food i relished..etcetc.....then I started for delhi...back to college....to finish off my final sem...determined to have the final dose of fun..before i get onto the altar of job...sloggin away to be in the rat race........................

well rest in next post.............................

New Year.....

2006-01-01T10:05:00.000-08:00

Aah the new year has arrived….well the celebrations and all the hullabaloo has happened as usual….people sending their wishes ..clogged mobile networks, cards, greetings and all the reviews of movies, news, sports have all happened. Now life gets back to usual and back to work on a Monday morning.

Now just wait and retrospect on the year that’s gone by. On a personal front another tumultuous year has passed by. What a wide range of emotions have I gone through? From the despairs of February to festivities of December what a journey it has been. Well I would classify this year as a good one for as they say “ alls well that ends well”. Well this a very good time for me and it would quite justify the rating.

But more than that I will put this down as a landmark year for the lessons it has taught me. I definitely finish this year as a much better and mature person than what I was when it began. I have learnt to take life as it comes. I have stopped expecting things to happen. I have learnt to place myself into the shoes of other person and think from their position. Though I have not perfected this I have made an attempt and this has given me quite a good deal of better results when dealing with people.

What else will I remember this year for??? I can remember this for a lot of small joys which have come through, which on the whole may not make a sense for their significance in life. But on their own they form a special place. Little joys, little gestures, little delights especially which happen when least expected which can leave you exhilarated.

I can also remember this year for some of the knocks which I have taken. Times when I was very disturbed, when I was confused, when I had no idea what I had to. Though these are times which I would like to forget in retrospective, but I don’t want to lose the lesson which was hidden at those moments, the lesson to look at things positively. On retrospective we often realize how most disasters are self made. How just a different line of thinking could have changed the whole scenario? I would like to take the lesson to look at things from the positive perspective.

I am not fully into the mode of positive thinking but definitely I have come a long way. And this has made a significant difference in my life. I am a much more happier person now. And I have also come firmly to believe that god has his own way of doing things. Another offshoot of positive thinking. I have realized there is no use complaining. Expecting life to be fair to you is like expecting a ravaging bull to spare you because you are a vegetarian. So just accept things as they come, it would make sense in the retrospective.

As for people as usual many people come in and go out of your life with every passing year. But some do stay, they do stay in your conscience whatever happens. It is for them that we struggle. But time and tide waits for none. People move away in the flow of time. Different lives take different turns. Every one has his own road to follow. Roads which will part as they go. If two people have to stay together it has to be on the same road which wont happen without competition and clash, which again does not help the cause of companionship. So I have learnt to accept this fact of life. As people get busy with their own lives, aspirations and dreams, old friends do take a backseat. But u really can’t complain. Life is like that. And u got to accept this harsh reality and life has to go on. Even we our self may be guilty of doing so with out we realizing it. So u got to learn to live with it.

But some things do stay stuck. You wish some things to stay forever. You want some things to happen. You know the possibilities are very less. You know the odds are stacked up against it. But still some where, appears a beacon of hope, even though it is hopeless. This endeavor to hope for something impossible has perhaps defined spirit of mankind. This is perhaps what has brought humanity to this juncture. This struggle between practicality and wishful thinking is what defines our lives. Where we shall draw a line is something that will determine our state of mind.

So that is my new year resolution take life as it comes. Enjoy every moment of life. Plan your life as it happens. But if there is still something that defines your happiness, go for it. However impossible it may seem, however unthinkable it may be. Life’s beauty is in that struggle. Enjoyment is in the journey, destination is just the culmination.

So I continue to search for the end to my search for The Beginning.

blasting dreams..............

2005-10-30T16:01:00.000-08:00

there are moments in ur life when u r plagued by questions...questions questions and more questions..... no answers seem to be in sight.......i was in a similar situation when the blasts rocked the life in delhi and conciousness of the nation.......it feels odd just a second ago the people who were shoppin for the festivals lay lifeless wit their bodies charred beyond recognition...all those lives were just a number in the newspapers the next day...people did not seem to care......life for all vibrancy seems so very fragile.....just a few ounces of rdx...and a few thousands of dreams are destroyed...........where is the end to it all....who causes all this...who benefits from this....too many questions but answers elude me...............let this stop ........let this mindlessness cease...........but how?????...who can do it............there is no one answer to it.........let us start by contributing our own bits....drops make up the ocean...however long the journey it starts with a footstep.....lets contrubute our might to stop violence......stop this hatred....lets grow more tolerant of life....life in its varied hues......lets enjoy the diversity and forget the differences............

oops baby... i did it again........

2005-10-09T14:54:00.001-07:00

Babies are the cutest and most beautiful things in the universe. The way they smile, the way they pout, the way they cry, the way they sleep, the way they seem disturbed out of their world even if some little fly swats over them…everything they do is so beautiful. They seem so very delicate, so very fragile, I just wonder how will they cope up against this big bad world. The just born ones are the most amazing. They r so cute, so small, so very soft and so very delicate. Putting their legs on to my cheeks so very nice. U feel the freshness of birth. Those hands as they hold them up crumpled. Those are some of the sweetest sights in the world.

those new born kids seem so precious.I feel afraid to hold them even. I am afraid if I would hurt them. they are so very precious delicate and fragile. human life at its very beginning. anyone would have to fall in love with this babies.

My love is like falling in love with a new born baby. This kind of love does not come with any strings attached.it does not contain any amorous conquests. this is just admiration at its pristine best. It is all about caring. It is about being afraid to hurt a delicate being. It is not about expecting the baby to love you back but u just love the baby nevertheless. you r just in awe of it. you just love it when the baby smiles. you are worried to death when the baby cries. you would do anything to make the baby smile, though most of the times u r all at sea in this pursuit. u just are afraid to do anything because u r afraid of hurtin that delicate creature. everything about the baby seems divinely. this kind of love makes u happy and content. this is love of a new life, a new beginning and lot of hopes and aspirations.

this love could be exhilirating but no one does realise it. because we take it for granted. but smtimes when we stop and think about it. we do realise how lucky are we to go through such an experience. life would be fulfillin not when we r enjoyin smthin, but when we realise that we r enjoyin smthin.....because most of the times enjoyment is not in the destination, but in the journey......

dreamzzzz

2005-09-07T14:32:00.000-07:00

hey today i watched a movie "iqbal" ..pretty nice movie...well not smthin to swoon over...but i definitely liked it....it was nice and pleasant like sea breeze....

There were these lines in the movie ..in a song...

" kuch aisa kar jao...jisse kudh kudha kush ho jaye"

wow...wht beautiful lines......doin smthin to please smone who perhaps makes us do all these things....THE ALMIGHTY....wht a wonderful thought....

This movie set me thinkin.....dreamzz.....hmmm ...this word has such a nice connotation to it....everyone likes to dream...everyone wants them to come true......well iam not exactly talkin abt the things u get when u r asleep..though u could include them in a broader context....

Iam talkin abt aims,ambitions,aspirations which we have for ourselves....we dream abt ourselves ..abt people related to us......as the protagonist in the above mentioned movie tells that his life runs after his dreams...everyones life has its own dreams...but how many of us really strive for it........most of just let our lives go on.....we take things as they come...we never wait, think and fight for our dreamz........ we go for compromises......

iam not sermonizing.....iam also guilty of the same things.......i had a dream...ofcourse i had a lot many...but there was this dream...which was quite bigger....i had wanted to be cricket player ,play for my country.......well every boy who plays cricket has the same dream....me too...i even had details of my debut, my career highlights ...and even statistics planned out....but that dream slowly faded away......i never thought about it...i never saw it goin away...i never fought for it...never practised and played............now as i realise that may be after next year i even wont be playin for fun...i feel that a part of me is bein plucked away from me......

ok leave my case...may be i was not good enough...but i have seen many talented people never go for their dreams...sm of my friends who were very good at cricket but now languishin in their jobs.....perhaps will only play cricket with their sons in future.....sm of my friends who were great dancers or singers...but left those things for comfort of sm cosy job...leave these "arty" things......one of my friend who used to say that NASA was were she is gonna land up...now a software job is a preferred destination ......NASA long forgotten in life's memory.......

but can we blame these people...are they alone responsible for their dreams not workin out......iam not sure...let us consider the movie...if the fielder had not taken the catch in the end...would the hero be able to win the match....these kind of doubts do arise....

our lives and the courses they take are dependent on many things.....there are way too many variables in our life.....and the determinants are never in our hands for most of the time.......

and most of the time for most of the people dreams are never constant....they keep changin ..wht they want from life today may not be the same tomorrow....so it is best everyone evaluates their dream...decide if it is worth fightin for....is it achievable...and the go for it....

becos...their is no better feelin in ur life than to see ur dreams come true..............

Friends and fun......

2005-08-30T14:19:00.000-07:00

i had a experience today which made me realise the importance of friends and fun in life.....

Today was a very different sort of day from the past few days…nothing significant happened….just a few hours ago I was in a rotten state of mind …very depressed…I don’t why…a few happenings in the day left me with varied interpretations…...it was just I was left alone…because exams were nearing and everyone was busy with his own troubles. …bein left alone I just went into a cyclical thought process…...thinkin abt a few things which left me hopeless and it didn’t help anyways…because it just left me mad…..just when I was goin berserk….i just called upon my friend…and after some chattin I was feelin better again then a few friends gathered and it was back to banter…and masti …we were just jokin and it was a laugh riot again……….and I was again soarin……….. forgettin all the downturns I was thinking abt…………wow this is great…

I relaise the importance of friends in ones life….without them u just are lost……especially when u r down and out……whts life with out them….and I need ppl with lots of sense of humour…ppl ready for masti and fun…………that’s wht life is abt….when u r serious and broodin it just is not any useful….u need to laugh , have fun and enjoy life…..

As smone said live everyday as if it is ur last day….and one day u will be rt………….

Why waste life thinking and feelin sad abt things that may not become any better just by ur thinking or feelin abt it……just forget ur worries…have fun…..keep urself engaged in work fun and life……that’s leaves no time for broodin…..just keeping urself busy will be the best way to get ahead in life….

Live every moment of ur life ..never waste time thinking abt things that wont get any better just by ur thinking…..lets use our thinking for better things…..this is wht i have realised today..and hope to implement and follow......

funny..........

2005-08-30T06:10:00.000-07:00

LOVE is like a CIGAR

It starts with a fire..... continues with smoke.....and ends in
ashes...

But dont worry - we are chain smokers

hope everyone can do this.......

solutions can be as simple as this....

True love is like a pillow
>u can hug when u r in trouble
>u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow

my dil goes mmmmmmmmmmmm........

2005-08-27T16:32:00.000-07:00

well the title of this blog is lifted from a very nice song...apart from some very nice music ...this song has sm very good lyrics.........this song reflects on the fact that no one is perfect and u cud also fall in love with imperfections..........well that seemed very beautiful........... smone lovin ur imperfections.........it sounds very odd but it cud be true............and very nice........cos if smone cud love my imperfections i have a wide range to offer.......................

ok as for rest of the things......................well weekends i just luv themmmmmmmm......well i do hate the fact that they r so short....but got to take it as it is.....i had a pretty nice ....got up late ...nothin new or unusual abt it......then went to a pic ...got myself a set of new speakers for my comp......in between all this raced on a bike through a distance which takes half an hour or more in 15 mins...also got stuck in a traffic jam which made me take 45 mins for a 10 min journey..... everythin sort of evened out......anycase in between all this forgot to have food....so by night was terribly hungry.................so we all landed up at andhra bhavan....and i enjoyed dinner...u obviously do when u r so hungry..................

by the time we finished our dinner smone broached the topic of whether possessiveness in love is justified.....arguments were flyin to and forth on both sides....young boys like asif sayin that possessiveness had no place in love...whereas our married man raghav arguing that it was natural to have possesiveness in love...in between all this i was sittin calmly just listenin...partly because i was hungrily devourin the food...but also partly because i was just evaluatin the arguments and lettin them register their points in my mind....and formin my own little judgements............

well is really possessiveness justified in love...................well is nt love supposed to be without any expectations............then how can u expect smone to be with u alone.....and luv u alone and all thos e sort of things............but again.....dont u fall in love because u expect sm joy out of it.........and u want lot more of that love....want all that love for urself...............

well one of my friend had this favourite quote..." if u really luv smthin just let it go...if it comes back to u it is urs...otherwise it never was"....i used to retort that it was ok to follow that policy for parrots...but when it comes to the case of gals ..it is quite risky ..considerin the competition.......

but on a serious note is that not true......just lettin it go......love them with out expectin anythin.....just love them and enjoy the feelin........but do u notice the paradox...even though that quote seems to say...dont be possesive in love...look at it carefully ...it talks of smone bein "urs"....possesiveness at work.........

ok man too much of love related discussion...gettin tired of it...........but wht shall i do...........whtever u do...this love keeps comin at u...go watch a movie...u get a staple diet of hero heroine romance............look at the bill boards.....same things...come talk with ur friends.......wherever u start discussion smwhere turns back to that...why cant we just forget that stuff ...and get on with our lives...............well i will try to.............still got a weekend to enjoy..........got to get thru it.........with lots of fun.................

whats this???????????

2005-08-26T17:43:00.000-07:00

hey ...........

today i woke up from a terrible dream.........i had got married...i dont who was the gal.....everyone was congratulatin me............i had this thought that ........i cant look at other gals from that day...and i have a lady waitin ...whom i have to answer............i woke up sweatin....and it was quite a relief to know it was just a dream.......................

anycase this has got me thinkin whts that frightens me most in that..............well life is so cool now.....iam left to myself.....masti karo enjoy karo.................u dont have to be answerable to anyone...............

today was a similarly happy day....enjoyed myself all the day...had a few classes in the mornin then ..............played cricket....chatted with friends....jokes flew around ...we were laughin all the time.....the a game of cards....fun continued....................

but at the end of the day..........one of my friends brought up a topic about things which make me go senti.......... and i was again broodin over it................well i realise their is no pt in it...........when u can have fun ...and forget the troubles...wht is pt worryin over it..............why not just enjoy life.....

but why do people dont want to keep laughin all the time....why cant they just smile through their troubles....and be happy...why is it that at times...u just want to cry ...cry out aloud......pour out ur grief.....................who wants to be unhappy...and who wants to bear unhappy people........but again...life is not a bed of roses....but why concentrate on the thorns....why is it that feel ofroses is soon forgotten...but prick of thorn and resultant pain remains for a longer time................happy times just pass with out u noticin it...but sad happenins stay to haunt u............today lots of questions are hauntin me....answers elude me...answers which work for me are not necessarily true for smone else.....i realise the only solution is forget it and goto sleep....iam feelin very sleepy in any case................so here iam signin off......

hope i dont get terrible dreams...i just want sm sweet dreams..............hmm i just cant wait for those..........so iam dozin off........................

hope......

2005-08-25T13:18:00.000-07:00

well smthin which never stops to amaze me is hope ....this is perhaps the factor which has kept the mankind goin.......i have realised smthin based on my very short interaction with life........whatever may i lose...iam not done until i have got hope with me.......... life makes u grow with experience...........u find that with each step u take...with each fall .......u learn a lesson....which makes u a better person............. i havee been down and out at times...in retrospective it seems such a foolish thing that i was so very depressed....but now i have realised that come what may never will i leave hope......... so whenever i get an opportunity to feel sad ....i try to stop my thoughts and focuss on the silver lining........i dont know if this is rt or not.........but i have to admit this has kept me happy..........i have been smilin..........i dont know if this is helpin me cope up better with life...that only time will tell........perhaps sm day i will see this blog and assess in retrospective the usefulness of this approach............i dont know if iam runnin away from the sad things or is it just iam able to sidestep them...but whatever it is....the pt is it has ensured i keep smilin........and this is smthin i treasure.............

wht works???????

2005-08-24T14:53:00.000-07:00

this post has been inspired by the news abt my frenz which i have been receivin....well nothin much to celebrate......one of my friends has had a break up...well they were one of best pairs around.....another of my friends ...well he has been in love with a girl for sm yrs now.....even though she was not interested ...this guy was madly in love...and got to admit ...he was true to his feelings..........and now that girl has married smone else....he has taken the flight to destruction....... turnin to alcohol..........and sm more depressin news.........

now all this has got me thinkin abt relationships..........why do ppl keep movin in and out of them........wht keeps ppl in a relationship and wht makes them move out of it..........well if love is smthin which is meant to be a cause of happiness...why does it get so much sadness in tow........

and comin to marriages...........how many are real?...how many ppl really luv their spouses for the people they r ...and not just bcos they r their spouses...........many of these marriagesseem to be just compromises........

ok lookin for answers i felt that at the end of it.....it does not matter whether u r in a relationship or not..it just matters whether u r happy or not............even in spite of so many ppl finidn a raw deal ...ppl still fall in love ...still look out for relationships..becos they r still in that elusive search of happiness............so they keep searchin till they find it....

but do we forget the journey in search of the destination...............is nt life a journey rather than a destination...........so why dont we search for things...however small they may be...tht bring on a smile on our faces..............well ppl cringe whenever they have trouble in relationships....but is nt the fact that they have been rejected painin them more..... than the reason that a particular person has rejected them...cos if sm one loves sm one it is meant to be unconditional..cos love is unconditional by nature............but that is not the case......everyone has his /her expectations....this is where the trouble comes............

so simply puttin it......no expectations no dissapointments..............let us live life for wht it is....and take it as it comes.........let us not forget to live the present regrettin the past or fearin the future.............well it is easy to say that but quite difficult to implement it........all would have got into this stage at sm pt........everyone will learn to deal with life in due course of time.....everyone falls ....but one who gets up and gets up fast wins the race..................

my first blog

2005-08-24T14:13:00.000-07:00

now the standard question ...why iam bloggin .........well may be becos everyone is doin it...that may be a reason....but tht is nt the only one.....frankly i get pissed off sm times when people write their blogs and keep askin me to read it...but got to agree i have read sm really good ones......now then wht inspires me to blog..........

there are times in my life...when i think ...and when i let my mind wander it just goes into a spin...thinkin of things i never knew could be so confusing......so poetic ..........so beautiful.....and smtimes so very disturbin.......

i feel like tellin them to smbody..but that again has its repurcussions...ppl whom i happen to tell these things may not be in a similar mood to appreciate my thoughts.....this is true ...becos even i may not feel like listenin to those things if i woke up the next morning..........

but on the flip side wht if those thoughts are just lost....may be it cud all make sense sm day.....why lose those thoughts ...why let hem just wander into oblivion.well i cud write a diary of sorts...........but just cant get down to makin it a routine....and since i spend so much time in front of this computer and online blog makes perfect sense.....

so i may not keep invitin ppl to keep readin these things bcos the contents cud be deeply personal at times....and perhaps if i ever invite smbody to view my blog ...it may be bcos i consider him/her to be among the circle of my bet friends with whom i cud confide with all my heart....

so let me start postin ...whenever i feel like............